BDSM : An act or a lifestyle choice?

BDSM. Something we all have heard of recently, I assume, as the book saga –if it can actually be characterized a saga– called Fifty Shades of Grey has became widely known. But what is it really? Well, as you know I love to go deeper into things, and not just scratch the surface, so that’s what I am going to do today as well.

The abbreviation stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Many would love to try it, or have already tried it, and others are totally opposed to it. But not many know what BDSM really is and what it involves.

Because of the above mentioned book, many got ideas on how to make their love lives more interesting, but without really knowing what this entitles. The thing is, this practice may be dangerous if you make use of it incorrectly and without taking certain precautions – leading to some being injured or worse – which most are unaware of.

First off, BDSM has a whole community hidden behind it. It’s not just something you try; it has connection to psychological reasoning, certain methods are used and safety precautions are taken. The whole point of it is to balance pleasure and pain equally.

People who enjoy it have certain procedures they have to follow on how to prevent harm to come their way, as it may be dangerous. If used incorrectly injuries may come upon the participants that can, at least, have serious consequences, or even be fatal –in instances even deaths were reported. But this doesn’t mean it cannot be used or that it’s bad. If cautious and responsible it can be really pleasurable and erotic experience.

To explain; one party of the two is the Dominant – meaning the one who is in control of the action – and the other called the Submissive who is surrendering control; doing exactly what the dominant partner indicates. The trill of someone else having full control over you, surrendering to them and letting them pleasure you however they want, has the ability to give you goose bumps, under the right circumstances.

Sex toys are involved –lots of them actually– as well as role playing. As I have said above, the point of it is to balance pleasure and pain. Your partner inflicts pain upon you, and that pain gives you gratification, then the goal is met. It’s not meant to hurt you to extremes; but to be pleasurable pain. It’s a total turn on and maybe one of the most erotic and primal sexual practices.

Anything is fair game in this practice, but as to ensure the safety of those involved certain safe-words are used during the act. These safe-words are agreed upon beforehand, and if spoken during the sexual activity, the partner who is in control knows that it is time to stop what they’re doing hearing them. The submissive might use words like ‘stop’, ‘no’, ‘you are hurting me’ and so on, but these are part of the act and the role playing when it applies, so the dominant won’t stop, unless the safe-words are spoken. This way you can protect yourself and still try out BDSM; and enjoy it to its fullest.

For those who are included in the BDSM community actively and throughout their lives, this is a lifestyle choice, not just some random act they try from time to time. They may perceive it as self-identification. Finding out things about themselves through this, testing their limits and taking control over their body and mind.

For both the dominant and the submissive, there is pleasure given; either by inflicting pain on another or being on the receiving end. Doesn’t mean someone has to be just one of the two. At each sexual encounter they can decide to change roles with one another.

Being the dominant, you have the knowledge of having full control over someone, having them at your mercy and giving them the pleasure they won’t even when they themselves don’t know they needed it. And as the submissive, being at your partner’s beck and call, just letting lose and enjoying the pleasure they want to give you. Wickedly delicious and seductive.

After all, through this, you get to learn things about your partner you didn’t before – sexually related or not – and most of all, you get to learn and define yourself through the ultimate act of pleasure.