If you have to ask, you probably already have your answer

We’ve all been there before. You meet someone and you’re immediately into them. They dress cool. They’re funny and friendly. They have great hair. Pretty much, they’re just all around fucking awesome.

Basically, what I’m saying is you’re crushing hard on them.

The crush. An exciting, horrible, soul-crushing, exhilarating realization.

For something we talk about in the same trivializing manner as schoolyard relationships, the resulting feelings can be pretty intense and anything but a trivial.

In this sometimes painful process, there are three main phases you go through.

Phase 1 is probably most enjoyable. I’m talking about that initial stage when you realize you like this someone. It’s when you walk around smiling in the best mood. Nothing can bring you down.

You’re excited about the next time you’ll get to see this person. You think about the potential to hang out with them. The future is ahead of you and you are ready to face it head on.

Excitement. Joy. You’re on top of the world.

Which of course is when Phase 2 hits. Phase 1 is probably short. Phase 2 is much longer. It drags on slowly, for what seems like forever.

I’m talking about that awkward time when the nerves kick in and you realize this person is really fucking cool. Remember what I described above? See where I’m going with this. If you have a crush, you obviously think they’re pretty dang awesome, and this is when you start thinking to yourself, “This person is way cooler than I am. How did I ever think this was a good idea or even possible? There’s no way they’ll like me.”

Sadly, there’s a good chance that last part is true. People are weird, messy, and confusing, so it’s probably accurate that most of the people you crush on won’t feel the same, but that doesn’t mean you’re not cool, just that said person isn’t attracted to you, and as you well know, we can’t really alter how we feel.

That’s besides the point I’m trying to make, though. Even if you’re like the coolest person, when you really like someone, all of that goes to hell. Maybe you’re one of those lucky bastards who are able to turn on the charm and impress everyone you like. For the rest of us, once you hit this phase, you’re pretty much fucked.

Good luck getting out of your own head enough to impress anyone. In Phase 2, you realize you can’t function like a normal human around this person. You may not be awkward, but your crush sure as fuck thinks you are.

Because Phase 2 is long and uncomfortable, this is when, after talking with your crush, you go home and analyze, overanalyze, and think about again, every part of your conversations. Are there any signs they also like you?  They did __________, but is that just because they’re being nice?

Probably. You like them for a reason; they’re cool and friendly, so them stopping to chat was probably just that. If you have to ask, you probably have your answer.

Then, it’s Phase 3. What the fuck do you do? You’re pretty much left with two options. Do you say something or wait and hope they will.

Both are scary.

If you do something, then you have a fine line to balance between expressing interest and being too forward. See if they want to hang out, if they don’t then let it go. At least you gave it a try, right? You’ll feel like horrible shit for a while, but you’ll get over it. If they want to hang out with you they will. Or at least I’m assuming that’s the case. Whether or not that’s true, assume it is. You don’t want to hang out with them just because they felt bad saying no.

The other choice is to hope they make the first move. It’s definitely safer and less likely to end in embarrassment and anxiety, but it also makes it easier to keep crushin’ on this person longer than you should. Even if they do like you, they may not want to make the first move, so you be the judge of whether or not this might work.

Someone needs to make the first move, so just decide if you think they’re the type of person who might.

I can’t really make a suggestion for which is the best option. A lot of it depends on the situation. Will you have to see this person all of the time if you make a fool of yourself? Do you like the person enough that you don’t care? Is the person in a position where they could potentially be interested in you?

These will vary from crush to crush, so just think about them and make sure you’re ready to deal with the fallout either way. Just remember, people are autonomous and owe you nothing. Just because you like them doesn’t mean they have any obligation to return those feelings. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or them.

Some things just aren’t meant to be.