The art of Bullshitting

“You know what I mean.. It is just something that happens and what we need to do is be very efficient and vigilant towards any new developments with a sense of responsibility”

The sentence above is not part of any political speech, but it might as well be. It is a mere example of a talent that many working in the public sector have; the art of bullshitting the crap out of everyone, about everything, and still coming out on top.

This particular set of skills requires quite a high level of intelligence. Hence, as most of you understand, many attempt it, but even less are successful in achieving mastery of it. I was once at an academic conference where a speaker read a whole paper that was quite impressive; but after reading the manuscript we would all agree that it was nonsensical. And yet the speaker did not allow anyone to realize that as he was presenting, as the crafting of the speech was magnificent.

On the other hand, a couple of years ago I was having coffee with friends and one of them tried to convince everyone he was right about something by bringing in emotional arguments and personal experiences to make his point, while at the same time being very defensive of any different opinion. Same goes for this guy that we all know or have heard of that consistently sells insurance policies and will attempt to draw a perfect picture so you can buy his shitty products and he will get a well-earned commission.

It is my firm belief that some professions and situations such as the aforementioned one are made for those that think that they can sugarcoat everything and get away with it. They are the people that that will have the line “It’s not what you think”; while it most definitely is (and then some!).

To be able to talk consistently about everything while at the same time saying absolutely nothing of consequence is a very rare talent. It requires an extremely broad spectrum of knowledge, as well as a very specific goal, which is modified in accordance to the situation the individuals find themselves in. A person that is very good at it can, and will, switch it off at will and, most of all, will not exercise this skill with those they deem important.

On the other hand, the generic, average to low intelligence, self-proclaimed ‘cunning’ individual, will make it a way of life; with their significant other, with the other significant other, at work, with family, with friends. They wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night with one thought in mind: how to impress everyone with empty words and, most of all, how to claim a place they have not earned in a discussion or in society.

Spare me the offended look you have on your face right now if I offended you because, frankly my dears, I don’t give a damn. As a professional bull-shitter, if need be, it deeply offends me that amateurs and untalented people out there failing majestically at performing this kind of art effectively.

Now if I may, I need to ask for an extension from my manager for a project I did not complete; simply because Ι forgot all about it.

But I will bullshit my way out of it.

Because I can. 

How about you?