I guess it was my mistake for thinking we were closer than we really were. I was close to you; I was just one of the people you associated yourself with. And before you rush -like you always do- to say that I can’t say something like this, I’ve got news for you. I can; because I wasn’t offered, or allowed to think of, something else different.
Five years ago, when it all started, it was the beginning of everything. You were my best friend from the very first moment we met. I shared everything with you; and so did you. I was there for you through your hardest times – with your family, your relationships or your work. Who did you think spent all this time listening to you whining or complaining about your problems? I would let you go on and on, because I knew that it made you feel better. I’ll never forget the little sound of the laugh you made at the end of these phone calls- when the problem was shared between us, it seemed too small to stand a chance.
Even the rest of our group knew our bond- the two of us were always the duet that had everything. The five years passed, and I couldn’t even imagine us being a real romantic couple. People say that when you end up being in a relationship with your best friend is considered a bliss. You made it a real, living hell; and lesft me to surpass the end by myself. I was counting on you to be there during my toughest times; and then the joke I guess, was on me. I’d never thought I’d see the day, when you’d treat me like a person you met seconds ago. I’d never thought I’d see the day when you said that I meant nothing to you.
The mission was finally accomplished. And all I’ve got is one question: when have I ever presented myself as a prize for you to take over?
You just cowardly left with no explanation whatsoever, as if you didn’t owe me one. Tell me, did you ever think, for one second, about who I was before you acted like this? Who I was to you? What I was to you? Nothing. All of these years of us and our friendship were just shredded by your own unwillingness to talk to me openly, and even look me straight in the eye. It was just easier to leave me hanging there.
I get it – you got your extra points for being the brave one here.
All I wanted is one honest explanation from my best friend, the one who always spoke to me openly. I didn’t want any more justifications like those you gave me one day loosely on the phone. All I know, is that if someone wants to be with you, they’ll be with you. So no, I won’t give you the golden ticket of justification just so you can have a clear conscience. You don’t have it, you’ll never will- and you don’t deserve to have it. If that makes me the bad guy in this equation, then fine. I was the bad guy when I said I don’t trust you anymore; and I was also the bad guy when I didn’t accept or tolerate your behavior. I’m sorry, but I’ve never learned to be the victim of others or tolerate any disrespect.
You covered yourself and your life, in full, with denial- out of sight out of mind. Facts don’t change just because you want them to change; no matter how much you want it. This is also implied for my memory as well; you just can’t erase what happened. I was there, present and living every minute of it. Every minute of you being a coward, a liar, a manipulator.
And you managed to also manipulate the rest of our friends- not for very long though. News flash: once you put me down on the ground. You bent me down on my knees, unable and vulnerable- spending almost a month completely alone, lost in my misery. But once I realized your game, I had to get up. I had to fight back, and I did.
And you know when the true empowerment came? The day you called me out of nowhere- and I picked up. And we just talked like two acquaintances.
Wasn’t that the way you wanted us to be my dear?
I spoke, and you never realized it then, but that was my final goodbye to you – like you were nothing to me anymore. Honestly? You weren’t. I told you, I don’t accept any kind of disrespect. And no matter how much you wanted it, you were not getting away with it. Even now- you’re not.
Save all your justifications and your nonsense, I don’t need them.
Now, after a whole year what I wanted was the slightest sign of remorse. But you didn’t have any of it when I saw you- because you didn’t do nothing wrong.
Can I just ask, if you really didn’t do anything wrong, then why avoid me you fucking asshole?
I didn’t deserve the slightest amount of pain I felt last year. I didn’t deserve the loneliness, the tension, the wondering, the endless heartbroken nights. And what I know for sure, is that I didn’t deserve your backstabbing.
But I’m not worried; even if I was bent down on my knees somehow I found my way back. If it wasn’t for your torture, I wouldn’t be standing here strong. Keep living in denial, I don’t care anymore; the truth is here present, not only for me but for everyone that knows you. Your grace period is over. You think they didn’t see your claws, bad wolf?
I have one thing to say to you: thanks for making me a fighter. Really, thank you.
Other than that, go and fuck yourself.