Written By Valeria

It was nearly 11 pm when I received a message from my best friend, demanding to know my location. Where else could I be on a Tuesday night at this hour’s time, woman? “Casually lying on my bed, enjoying my serenity after a long day” I replied. To be able to have my inner peace back after so long it is much appreciated, for I had lost myself a few months ago.

To lose your self is to become selfless and selfless people often give those who love gifts. Exactly like I did, when I bought him that t-shirt I occasionally spot him wearing. You see, my T-shirt is good enough for him but I wasn’t; and shall never be adequate to be his girlfriend. My best friend got straight to the point asking me what color that t-shirt was.

Just a few seconds ago I was laying calm, ready to fall asleep and now I am standing on my feet with my eyes wide open. He’s somewhere near her. Alas, he showed up; for I had lost track of him for the past three months. “Coincidently”, we mutually stopped going to the places we used to meet “by accident”. We haven’t bumped into each other in so many weeks and numerous were the times that I wondered what he had been up to. To know that he’s well was my only request.

My instinct was telling me that something was awfully wrong for my friend would provide one-worded responses, which is not so typical of her. “He’s with another woman.” I contemplated at once and started texting her nonstop. She confirmed it and did what all best friends are obliged to do upon these situations – she called her ugly and whorish-looking.

Knowing me too damn well, she was aware of the fact that this kind of news would upset me. I still wasn’t over him and to be honest, I’m not sure if I will ever get over him completely. I’m a firm believer that a part of him shall always live inside me. His name tastes bittersweet for he taught me two great things.

How it is to love with all your heart and, in return, not to be loved back. This man helped me reach my limit and showed me that I am most capable of overcoming it and actually surviving through it. He played with my mind and fucked up my soul so bad that I no longer care about anything.

I knew, very well, this day would come. In fact, I dreamt about it before and it was so vividly real that I woke up in the night sweating from fear.  My dream must have been a prophecy of what was about to come I suppose; for in that very moment sweat started pouring from my forehead.

The only way I would be able to calm myself down was to see her. To witness what I was up against. To observe closely of how the enemy looked and act. Thankfully, my friend had inherited my excellent detective skills after so many years of friendship. Apparently, I must have taught her well for she had eavesdropped on what her name was. She had already given me a physical description and after a quick search on his profile, I managed to find her and I am already glancing at pictures of her.

Dude, are you even serious?

I could easily write an encyclopedia describing the type of mediocre woman you have chosen to have a date with that night. But, since I am a good person and I don’t like to judge people whom I don’t know. Instead, I will step up on your own words – the ones you uttered to me a while ago.

You said that I’m not of your taste, right?

Staring upon the pictures of this blonde hair extension, pretentious little diva, all I can think is: “Really? Is this your taste?”.  If this cheap, mini-skirted chick, who uses a whole bottle of makeup in order to go out, is what you are really down for, I’m beyond disgusted. But then again, I should have expected that for the girl in my dream was quite similar to her.

Those drops of sweat have abruptly turned into unstoppable bursts of laughter since it is the first time in the year I feel so relieved with myself. All this time I have been troubling my mind about what I did wrong and what should I change in order for you to fancy me. I’m truly sorry for I didn’t understand, from the very beginning, that you were always into average, nothing-special-about-them, women.

Now everything makes sense. It wasn’t my fault that we are not together. How should I put this gently? Perhaps you’re too inadequate to have a woman like me by your side. Perhaps my “muchness” scared the shit out of you for I would have been too much to handle.

Oh yes, now everything makes sense. No worries, I finally got it.

By the way, thanks for not calling me “of your taste”. That would mean that you consider me to be on the same level as that mundane little bimbette you’re now sitting next to. Enjoy this little affair while you still can baby. Even though I’m pretty sure that your night has already gone to waste once my friend came to greet you and your little friend as I ordered her to do so. Everywhere you go, I will be secretly sneaking there one way or another. I sincerely cannot wait to meet and introduce myself to your new girlfriend. Fun times ahead – hooray!

P.S: Keep the t-shirt so you have something to remind you of what you could have had. Even though I’m sure you already know, that’s why you wear it all the time.

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