I want to spend my time with you, but I know we need to find a balance between “us” time and “me” time. I know you shouldn’t be my everything, but that’s so much easier said than done. While relationships require work, I know I still owe it to myself to keep doing what makes me happy outside of you. It made sense at the beginning of our relationship to spend most of our time together, but as things progress, I think we need to figure out that sustainable balance. I need to find time to see you, but it’s just as important for me to make time for the things outside of our relationship. Plus, how boring would it be if we all we had to discuss were things we did together.

We’ve all been there before: You’re just starting a new relationship, so you’re putting all of your time and effort into it – into them. In this phase, we may not hang out with our friends quite as much as we normally do. We may not get as much sleep and alone time as we should. We may not be paying as much attention to work as usual. And that’s okay. Well, let me rephrase that, that’s okay for a short while.

When things are new, they’re exciting. When things are exciting they tend to be on your mind all of the time. And while that’s okay for a couple of weeks, if you’re still in that phase after a month (maybe two in some rare circumstances), you want to start being careful.

As much fun as it can be to get lost in a new relationship, once it’s not new anymore then be wary. You don’t want to put your everything into a relationship – no matter how tempting it may be. We need to have our own, separate lives, even when we’re involved with someone. Another person can be your everything, but they shouldn’t be everything and the only thing you have (notice the seemingly slight, but actually significant difference there?).

People need balance. We need a lot of things in our lives. We need romance. We need friendship. We need work. We need alone time to reflect on everything else. These are all things you can’t really get when you’re putting all of your effort into one person. If you’re always with or thinking about someone, romance can quickly fade. As can your friendships – no one likes to feel permanently replaced by a new romance. Think about what that will say to your friends about the value you place on your relationships with them. Imagine trying to make sense of your romance when you don’t have any time to yourself to think about who you are and what you want.

It may be a delicate balance, but it’s a balance that’s worth putting the effort into finding.

So just take a breather from your relationship. Make sure you have some time to yourself and some time with your friends. Everyone will be happier that way.

Author: Dani Howell

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