This quite a conundrum.

I like you. A lot. But, and this is a pretty big but, I really don’t like your friends. I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge you based on other people, but let’s get real for a second. Don’t the people you choose to hang out with say something about the kind of person you are?

I know you should base opinions of people on their own actions and not the actions of others, but when and where do we draw the line? I heard what your friend said the first time I met them. There are maybe six or seven words I’ll hardcore judge someone for using, and they said one of them. We all misspeak and say stuff we don’t really mean, but some things are more inexcusable than others.

I draw the line a derogatory language. Especially when it’s used without any notion of the fact that it’s a word or phrase that’s just not acceptable. If you’re friends with that kind of person, what does that say about you? Does it say anything? Maybe not. But realistically, it probably says at least a bit.

Would I want to be judge based on all my friends’ actions? Realistically probably not. But at some point, we have to take responsibility for the people around us (friends and family, but family’s a whole other issue). The people we choose to hang with has to reflect something about us.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone I didn’t like, so I assume everyone else is the same. It’s possible there’s some other reason you’re friends, but I can’t really think of many good reasons.

I think we’re drawn to people who have similar core beliefs. If your friends have shoddy beliefs, then I’m inclined to question yours. Maybe that’s not fair, but life’s short and this has been pretty true in the past. To me, that means that my assessment depends on if my issues with your friends are the result of situational circumstances or if they’re just pretty terrible people.

I’m worried it’s the latter, but I’m willing to consider the former. That might just be me making excuses, trying to rationalize so I can look past it. Then I think about having to hang out with your friends and I start reassessing my decision.

If I’m worried about what your friends’ behaviors say about you, what would it say about me if I started hanging out with them? I’d either stop realizing they were shitty, or I’d just feel like shit every time I’m around them because that type of personality can be really tiring. Neither of those seems like a good option.

I guess that kind of answers my question. It doesn’t seem like I am able to look past who your friends are. I definitely feel shitty about that, but I think I’d feel worse about myself if I didn’t stand up for my values. No one likes a sell-out, and I wouldn’t expect this to work if either of us weren’t true to who we are.

To be fair, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t like my friends, so maybe it’s all for the best. No one should feel at all obligated to change who they hang out with for anyone else – either you or me. So, at the end of the day, I think that means we’re at the end of our road.

Author: Dani Howell

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