So this is what a happy relationship looks like.
I know that seems surprising – in a perfect world, all of our relationships would be awesome and happy. But it’s surprisingly hard to know, so I was worried I wouldn’t be able to tell.
Think about it. We don’t see happy relationships in the media. It seems that people assume it’d be boring to watch a happy couple, so there’s always drama to keep things interesting. Watching shows week after week makes it seem like that’s what we should be emulating. Those are the relationships that seems normal.
Hence, me being surprised to realize that this is what a happy relationship looks and feels like. I thought getting here would be the hard part, but I’m beginning to understand that might not be true. It’s possible the difficult part is not sabotaging myself. I’m an analyzer. Nothing is as it seems. People are complex; therefore, everyone’s actions can’t be singularly motivated. That means I have to coalesce this new happiness with my penchant for using the critical analysis skills I keenly developed in school in my personal life. That seems like it should, in theory, be easy. But as I also learned in school, there’s nothing fucking easy about theory.
We went out for dinner for the fourth time this week. All four dates were fantastic. We both had a blast. At least I think we did. I know I had a good time. We laughed. We ate. We drank a few glasses of wine. Sure my bank account is a lot lighter, but my spirits are a lot higher. So that’s a pretty good trade off. Right? I mean, what’s the point of money if you’re not going to spend it on anything. Is four dates in one week too many at this point in our relationship? Or is that not enough. Should we be spending more time together?
I always have questions bouncing around in my mind. Making sense of anything involves really understanding it. How else can I figure things out without pondering about every aspect of something. There I go again. Overanalyzing my own happiness.
If I’m content and happy, does that also mean that I’m being complacent? I’m not afraid to admit that I consider myself to be a pretty ambitious person. Whether it’s for myself or someone else, we should all be trying to do better and be more. What if I’m not doing that because I’m “happy.” If I’m happy, I also want to know that I’m still pushing myself to be more.
I’m not saying that I need more than you. It’s just that I want to make sure I’m not giving up on my other dreams because everything’s going well. I’m just worried that happiness is a gateway to laziness and no longer trying to help everyone. I’m worried that if I’m happy, I’ll stop worrying about trying to make everyone else happy, too. That seems to be how things work now-a-days. Once we get what we want, well, fuck everyone else.
So this is a happy relationship? Now I just have to make it align with a happy life, too. I definitely think we can do it. I just have to not overanalyze it to the point that it’s not quite as sweet.