Tall, short, slim, fat, with brown eyes, with blue eyes, with black hair, with blonde hair, with light skin, with dark skin, with a six-pack ab, with a cute belly, educated, hard-working, lazy, selfish, romantic, giving. I can go on and the list can be never-ending. These are a few types of men that we can choose from. And maybe the word “choose” sounds a little bit strange or inappropriate, because it’s not like we are in a supermarket and we choose which product to purchase, but the truth is that pretty much us girls, have a secret list in our heads that has all those special characteristics that we want our “product” -sorry- I mean the guy to have.

This is how it works.

You are at a bar totally checking someone out. And it’s a mutual thing. Well, let’s check your list. Tall. Check. Brown eyes. Check. Black, nicely combed hair. Check. Smile. Check. Teeth. Oh, thank God are they white! Check. Clothes. Ok, check. Shoes!! You cannot miss the shoes! Check! Ok, and he passed the external characteristic check.

And if things become more intimate, you unlock other lists like the special characteristic list that will show us if we are fit for each other in more specific ways and a bunch of other lists, because we love making lists.

And as we love making them, we adore using them in our journey to find the right guy. If you make a quick flashback in your past relationship or lovers, you will surprisingly find out that you’ve been using without even knowing it these “lists”.

We all have in our heads specific patterns of the ones that we are attracted to. Scientists say that women try to find someone that resembles their father and men someone that resembles their mother as they are our original and first male-female figures that we have printed in our minds.

How often do you question yourself about winding up with the same type of guy? Didn’t you ever wonder why you attract the same type of men most of the time? It’s because you -unconsciously- choose them. And why do you make that choice? Because you attract what you are. We attract people that are similar to us. We attract people that remind us of something familiar, remind us of our self. Yes. When we are young we make a relationship pattern based of the kind of love that we received and we have learned about it, from either our fathers or our first boyfriends. It can be negative or positive. And as we grow up we seek that pattern therefore the same guy over again, without even realizing it.

Maybe at first, you think that this one and this time will be different, but as time goes by, you end up with the same guy again, just with a different face, which sometimes and if you take a good look at him reminds you –surprise, surprise!- of your ex!

Is your next really like your ex? Well, it’s your choice once again. You have the “lists” in your head. You can erase or add whatever characteristic that you want. You can change yourself and change your relationship patterns as well. You don’t have to put up with anyone. You don’t have to accept the wrong men. You just have to find a way to attract the right one. And the change is going to come from within you. If you change what you seek in a proper relationship maybe you are going to attract the right one this time.

We are multidimensional beings and rules don’t always apply to us, especially when it comes to matters of the heart when logic ceases to exist. Just be yourself and be the change that you want in your life in order to find that special someone that doesn’t resemble your ex and he’s not your next mistake.

Author: Jane Dali

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