I read recently, that the best person to talk to about the problems in the relationship is the person you’re in relationship with.

I mean, come on, who does that? That was my first thought. Most of us, when we are facing any kind of problems within our relationship, most of the times, discuss our issues with everyone else except our partner. And this is where the true problem begins.

And it has a name too: Lack of communication.
Yes, I’ve been there and I’m sure you’ve been there too.

Communication is not only important but fundamental to human interaction because it’s the tool that helps us connect emotionally with one another. This emotional connection that we have determines the quality of our relationship. Almost every relationship starts under the best circumstances, but we must accept that we are different people, with different backgrounds, previous experiences and of course different point of views. As time goes by, we don’t have the same enjoyment as at the beginning of the relationship – but that’s only normal. The hectic way of life absorbs us and that leads us to neglect our partner in life.

Sometimes the relationship itself deteriorates. Or did we let it deteriorate? And what really causes that lack of communication? Why is it so difficult to communicate with our other half?

You reasonably wonder, are there any signs? Yes, there some significant warning signs that you can’t miss. Choosing to really see them is another matter.

One of them -and the most important- is when you stop talking to each other. Is that a sign or what? You can’t overlook the fact that your partner doesn’t want to -or refuses to- listen to what you have to say anymore. Or they cut you off when you start a conversation. And above all they’re ignoring you all the time. What’s worse than the feeling of being isolated in your own relationship? This one should really ring a bell in your head.

Do they offend you? Do they use bad language when they talks to you, or are they argumentative with everything, trying to find reasons to start a fight? You cannot miss the body language too and the non-verbal exchanges, such as the tone of the voice or the judgmental eye contact.  Well, if your partner causes problems like that, or, if you are the one causing them, you have two solutions. One is to leave the relationship, break up and move on and the other one is the difficult one. To try to communicate. To find what is wrong and fix it.

And the first and most challenging step in order to do that is to sit down and talk.

How hard could that be?  For some people it’s pretty hard. But if you are convinced that the person you are with is worth the effort, you both can make things work. Just be honest with each other, be positive, and just listen to each other.  Usually in relationships we use monologues, and we don’t care, or don’t want to listen what our partner has to say. Make a dialogue. Listen. Don’t try to upset or hurt him and try your best to be empathetic and caring. Of course this should be mutual or it won’t work otherwise. When only the one of you tries and the other doesn’t give a damn, it could be inconvenient and you should seek other reasons that the relationship is failing.

An adequate communication style is important for the longevity of the relationship.  It’s hard to maintain a long term relationship as it is a living organism that we should try to nurture it with love and care.   I, you, we should want someone to build a mature and happy relationship with, without any drama.  We deserve to have someone in our lives that really cares about how our day was and not someone who just nods his head with indifference.

Author: Jane Dali

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