Have you ever had a dream where you find yourself on a deserted island, in the middle of nowhere? Looking at the vast ocean in front of and having the deep jungle behind you, feeling completely isolated, hopeless and alone. Without having a clue how to save yourself. Are you going to swim into the sea and drown? Or go into the jungle and get ripped apart by wild animals? That overwhelming feeling of loneliness and fear of the unknown is pretty much the same feeling that you have when you end a relationship, a marriage, an affair, you name it. You feel alone, desperate and uncertain about your future.
So, you’ve decided to end your relationship, start a new one – or you just wanted to be alone. Congrats are in order my friend, as it takes guts to do that. We endure imperfect relationships just by hoping that some way, some how, things -or people- will eventually change. And what an illusion that is! Maybe it’s the force of habit that makes us so reluctant to leave, maybe it’s the fear of being alone, maybe it’s the low self-worth that we have, or just maybe it’s the concern about what friends and family will say. Whatever way you look at it, it’s not easy when you chose to leave someone for any reason, your whole world may turn upside down. It takes strength to do it, but this step can make you stronger and wiser.
When a significant relationship fails and ends, it doesn’t matter who left first. We experience profound stress, grief and dissapointment. But also a great amount of relief.
That was it. It’s over. It’s like you want to remove a band aid. You overthink it for some time and if you take it off really quickly, it will still hurt but the pain is going to be breaf and bearable.
If you think that breaking up is hard, the next step that follows is even harder. You summon up your strength and move forward. You do that. Allow yourself to feel all kind of emotions. Anger, guilt, frustration, relief. Ther are no ‘rights’ or ‘wrongs’.
Life as you knew it may change a lot. Your daily routine has been disrupted, and relationships with your common friends and family might also be forced to change. It’s strange to have someone in your everyday life but gradually and eventually not having him anymore.
Suddenly, you are on your own.
You try to find your old friends and, the truth is, you’ve been neglecting them for quite some time. Go on, cry on their shoulders, let them comfort you. Don’t get dwell on the past, stay focus on the future and what it has to offer you. A brand new love, new friends and a whole new life.
Fill that empty space in your life. Occupy your mind by picking up new habbits like finding new places to drink your coffee or have that late night drink. Ready or not you have been thrust into a new phase in your life and you should try to make the best of it. Do what makes you happy and helps you recover. From hiding, deleting -or even burning- your common photos, to picking up a new hobby or throwing yourself at work. Or just dating again. Why not?
And if you find it tempting to harass your ex (yes, we’ve all been there) please reconsider it. Let the past be the past. It has nothing new to say to you.
Yes, a break up may break your heart. And if you found your way out of the relationship, you can and eventually will , find your way to a new promising life. After all, every ending is a new beginning!