Only two people, in all your life, are supposed to love you unconditionally, care for you, and support you no matter what. If your parents don’t come to mind when reading this sentence, you’re probably suffering from parental-attachment deficiency syndrome, as I like to call it.

What happens when one of these two people, or even both of them, turn out to be a major disappointment when it comes to raising their children?

Okay, we all know that parenting isn’t an easy job at all. Parents are responsible for pretty much every little detail concerning their kids, until they become of legal age, after which they are no longer accountable. They don’t have to be responsible anymore, but still feel so, simply due to the fact they care.

Parents are, supposedly, a huge part of our lives from day one, our biggest fans when it comes to any achievement, and our greatest supporters for better or for worse. Parents are obliged to have patience to the extremes, and for God’s sake, please keep in mind that they had to teach you how to use a fucking spoon, so maybe next time keep your tolerance with them a bit higher.

And no matter your age, or how tough of an outer shell you might have, a good parent will love, cherish and look out for you indefinitely. They will always guard your dreams and encourage you to become your own person, empower your uniqueness and, above all, teach you how to be on your own person, standing on your feet without them, even if they’d be there in the blink of an eye if you seek their helping hand.

Sadly, not all- if not most cases turn out to be that ideal and optimal, and don’t come even remotely close to the real deal.
Unfortunately, parents can also turn out to be the shittiest part of your life as well.

They sometimes walk away, when they suddenly decide that they just don’t have what it takes to become a parent -with the full meaning of that word- or are simply too scared and self involved to love someone more than themselves; because parenting, it’s pure selflessness. So, they leave, wholly evanescing their little one’s parent figure and idea of how the name of someone who’s supposed to love them inadequately, does not even exist for them.

Most, who haven’t met one or both of their parents, will probably say that they’ll always be left with a sort of gap. But maybe it’s better that way because you deserve someone who’s there for you daily, and loves you with all their heart. Someone who has worked their ass off for your well-being, and loves the person you were, are and will become. That’s the one who gets the right to be called your parent.

Then, there’s another case, which, trust me, hurts a lot more than not having met them.

I’m not going to whine about the annoyance of parental love becoming too overwhelming at times – even if I wish that this was the case. This is a state where a parent has shaped a whole mindset inside their heads on how your life, character, way of thinking and ways should turn out to be, constantly needing to take control over your life, just to be certain that you’re living it right. They lack understanding, and make you lose your mind over tiny errors, completely oppressing who you truly are.

My father, setting a great example here, had always, ultimately melted for me. I’d always been his greatest weakness and he always loved me to death. But, he was sorrowfully enough, never able to do it right. I can’t even recall how many nights I’ve spent arguing with him on the phone, or how often I’d go and hide to my room when a simple conversation with him turned out to be a total nightmare.

How I was never able to be myself around that person, and the fact that he never had a single clue about who I was, or even what went on in my life. With him, it was never easy. It was always full of pain, yelling, faking, and hurting. It’s more than sad to think that not once in my entire existence did I feel the need of his presence.

And how would someone who knows nothing more about me than my name and age, and has caused me nothing but a complete emotional destruction over the past years, dare consider themselves a real parent.

I’m grateful for having someone that I truly call a friend, and the arms that I know will hold me no matter the circumstances, the one who’ll wipe my tears and be overwhelmed with my joy, and above all, never judge me or even try to manipulate who I am. (Thanks for being a full contrast, mom. I don’t deserve all of your love, most definitely.)

So, never forget: You don’t get to choose the ones who brought you in this world, but you do get to determine if they are people of value in your life, as they can make a choice to learn to love your flaws, imperfections and accept both your mistakes and successes.

Because, in the end of the day, you both make the conscious choice to stay, love each other and grow together, no matter how grey the skies turn.

Author: Ioanna Vargianiti

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