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“How do you know you’re in love with me?” You asked me hesitantly, while I slightly stroked my fingertips against your back, Doors playing marginally as background noise.

I know, because the thought of you can’t stop racing through my head. I know, because I get so fucking caught up in our midnight conversations, and my heart feels tight and ready to explode whenever you touch me. I know, because I’m worried that you’ll change your mind and leave eventually, and, no matter how badly I don’t want that to happen, I push it aside, simply due to the fact that now is enough for me. And baby, if anything else, you have offered me an extremely spectacular now. I know, because I hear it in the silence before I go to bed at night, and feel it on my way home after class. I’m sure of it, now that I can’t stop writing about you, and for the first time in a while, it’s not melancholic or pessimistic.

So when you asked what you are to me, I could say nothing less than that you are every hope I’ve ever had in human form. Suddenly, everything that makes me happy is a reminiscence of your face, and after a very long time, I want to dance around in my room- or even the city streets, twirling shamelessly to all the songs you played for me last night- because that’s just what you do to me. You see, everything’s finally not only easier, but so much better with you.

I always thought of love like pulling a rubber-band back until it hits one of us in the face. Because, let’s face it; when we are in love, we are both completely in danger and completely salvaged. I can’t help it though; I’m so certain about it, because you make me melt from excitement, and trust me, that hasn’t happened in ages. Some would say that it’s the honeymoon stage talking, but baby, that’s the thing, it was instantly different from you. You placed your hands on my mind before reaching for my waist or my thigh first. You touched me, without even touching me.

And between all of our midnight conversations and the way I started tearing myself open in front of you, that’s when I almost started cursing at myself silently, purely out of fear to finally let go, seeing that I wanted to so much, only to instantaneously realize that you were more than worth the try, that’s when I knew this was something else. Or, when last night when I woke up at 4 am and, I’ll admit, that you were the first and last thing to cross my mind.

And I cannot even describe how mesmerized I become when you talk about your art and all the small things that fascinate you, when we get caught up in a silly conspiracy theory, or when we try to detect the hidden meaning behind these dark, nonsense films we somehow have both watched – even if almost no one else has. And, I still can’t even comprehend how all of this happened so instantaneously, not even remotely being able to understand how it’s possible to feel so deeply about someone in this very short time. Especially when I’ve considered myself void of feelings for so long.

And now there’s this sudden rush of emotions that I can’t even handle properly.

“I just do.” I reply as my hand moves through your hair, only to finally end up holding your hand and continue talking about the song; which had now changed to “I looked at you”.

Maybe it’s sort of like that. You smiled, I talked to you, and all of a sudden there was no going back.

Author: Ioanna Vargianiti

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