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Darling, come here. Sit down and give me ten minutes, there’s something I want to discuss with you.

See, I wanted to avoid this conversation, so I tried explaining myself in a more subtle way, but as time passes, I see that maybe a direct approach on my side might have a more effective result.

We’ve been together for the past ten months. We’re having fun, we’re really into each other, we’ve hit some crucial milestones and everything seems fine – except for one little thing. Something I’ve been trying to make you understand but you don’t seem to be able to grasp its concept; I’m not your ex, sweetheart – I’m not any of them. And I mean that in the best way possible.

First of all, I don’t lie; I’m incapable of staring someone in the eye and letting a load of crap come out of my mouth. If I’m guilty of something, it shows in my face – part of the reason I can’t play poker, remember? I suck at bluffing. So quit being surprised every time you realize that I mean everything I say, like the fact that I love morning sex or that it’s okay for you to go out with your buddies and have a good time.

Which brings me to the second thing – stop being afraid of me. When a fight is over, it’s over. I’m not gonna use something you’ve done against you in the future; it was H. who did that. I’m not going to punish you using sex deprivation as an instrument of torture, like C. did, or flirt with other guys and share the details to make you jealous, as M. used to do.

And, most important of all, I’m not going to betray you. If the way I feel about you changes, I ain’t going to wait until I find someone else to replace you to tell you it’s over between us. I’ll just end it the moment I realize I’m not a hundred percent yours anymore. End of story.

Because that’s who I am. To paraphrase my beloved Tyrion Lannister “I drink and I say things”. And what I say is what I mean. All my flaws were laid to your feet since day one of our acquaintance, but all of the above were simply not on the list. So, please darling, stop comparing and feeling terrified each time I smile at you after a big fight and say that everything’s fine or look astonished when I grab you midday for a ten-minute quickie.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize it’s hard for you to believe me after all you’ve been through. It’s hard to believe that you found what you consider to be extraordinary and different – it was hard for me too, when we first met. But you need to try, otherwise we won’t stand a chance in a shared future. After all, I’m not promising the sun and stars to you, I’m not offering you pompous oaths of eternal love or pretense flattery of you being a god in a mortal body.

Do you remember what I actually promised you? Let me remind you – and keep in mind that I use my words very carefully.

What I said was “I’m in love with you; and, as long as this lasts, I’ll be by your side. I will fight for you every day and I want you to fight for me every day as well. I won’t betray your trust and we’ll be together for as long as we feel that way”.

So, please, my baby, let every girl you’ve met aside, realize that I’m someone new and, every time the ghost of an ex comes along to scare the shit out of you, repeat in your head; I’m none of your exes, so stop comparing me.

Author: Petra Lane

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