I can’t believe it. I’m pacing up and down the room, smoking and trying to grasp what has – or, rather, has not happened. I try to see the reasons, I’m making a conscious effort to understand you, I’m racking my brains to comprehend, but it all comes down to this; Have you no shame at all? Have you no respect? And I’m not demanding respect towards us as a couple, or the love you said you once felt, no.

I’m demanding the respect you’re supposed to have for a fellow human being, whoever that is; you know, the basic Guide to Human Decency. But no, you can’t give me that, can you? You have to make me regret. And it’s a different kind of regret, as well, because, after a relationship has ended, we may all regret some of the choices or decisions we made during it. But regretting the whole damn thing, regretting having shared any moments with a person because they turn out to be such a self-centered prick – that’s an entirely different story.

And it’s a first for me, too. As I recall my relationships, tracing each and every one of my partners, I hold respect for all of them. It doesn’t matter who ended things or why – they were all good, decent people and, even if some of them made mistakes, who cares? We’re human, mistakes are part of our nature. I have always been proud of my relationship history; none of them made me feel ashamed for having laid eyes on them. None has made me despise them – well, none but you, amigo.

You lied to me, cheated on me, tore my heart into pieces. And, to top it all, I had to find money to cover both our mutual expenses and my moving to a new place. I did, God knows how, but I had to – and, still, I didn’t despise you for all these. Shit happens, my friend, and I’m a tough cookie. But now it’s all over. I have shown respect and discretion for all of your choices and yet, after a significant period of time, you didn’t even bat an eyelash and try to cover your part of the mess. And when I contact you and ask for what is rightfully your obligation, you don’t even reply.

I felt sad. Because I realized two things: First, that you felt no shame, whatsoever, for such a reaction on your part, for not even having the self-respect to try and make up some excuse to avoid doing your duty. And secondly, that I felt double the shame, both for you and me, because I have spent a whole year next to a person that has no idea what “decency” actually means.

I won’t even get to the part where we were lovers, shared a house and a great deal of moments, no. Because what you did had nothing to do with me as your significant other. It had to do with me as a person. A person that felt the utter disrespect towards their face. A person that, for the first time in their life, has to feel sorry for a relationship choice.

Moral lines, consciousness and personal limits; that’s quite a collection of meanings. And I understand that, for each of us, these words carry different sense. Our environment and experiences have shaped our understanding of them. So my “way over the line” could be someone else’s “huh, what the fuck are you fussing about, dudette?”.

However, in your case, ma dude, you broke the gear. You didn’t just cross the line – because, for you, there hasn’t ever even been a line to begin with. The world is your oyster and the word “shame” is missing from your vocabulary. Just bear this in mind; The Karma cafe offers you what you deserve. And, when your time comes, don’t scratch your head wondering why your coffee is filled with horseshit.

Author: Petra Lane

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