Once upon a time, as I was wandering in the Kalahari desert, a random, wise old man told me: “Listen, there is no worse punishment for someone than the friendzone”. I didn’t really get what he meant, but I actually realized it some time after. The so-called friendzone is a hostile land, full of obstacles, traps and unpleasant surprises.

It is as if somehow you are playing minesweeper, in a ‘6×4’ square, with 99 mines. Don’t do the math. You might as well fall on double and triple ones.

Even though the friendzone is guys-related, it doesn’t mean that girls don’t suffer from it as well. However, poor guys are really into it, for some strange reason I can’t explain -sorry dudes!

Actually, there is a pretty logical explanation for it.

By nature, and according to stereotypes, men are supposed to take initiatives, be polite, do favors; be the knight in shining armor on the white stallion/car/motorbike –or whatever could be ridden. That is ok, you should be that way, and women love it too. But the problem is, you’re targeting the wrong women, god damn it!

Usually, during desperate phases of a crush, and when nothing else has worked out, men use the ultimate weapon; spoiling. This however can also happen to guys with low self-esteem, incapable of starting a normal conversation, who thus try to substitute social skills with favors.

The only thing this technique results in is a permanent servant state for the guys. Oh wait! Let’s also call it shopping carrier, personal driver, a shoulder to cry on and –here comes the final blow- a good friend to tell the good news, related to finding a new boyfriend, to.

It sucks. But, if it makes you guys feel any better, girls suffer, more or less, the same deal. The only difference is that they probably pay less. Nevertheless, buying land in the friendzone is not the best investment. In the long term, living there is actually worse than being dumped or rejected.

You are always in a Schroedinger’s situation, stuck between a “yes” and a “no”, without any flexibility, or right, to react. Even though you want to forget, the damn person is always appearing in front of you, and you are called to act as a friend, within the given boundaries and from a distance.

Well, you should also think about those unfortunate dudes, who become friendzoned before even whispering a word. Shit happens, and you are not the only one. You’d better run away, if it hurts you.  If, on the other hand, you don’t mind, stay there, but please, let someone have you checked.

Finally, if you are the one that usually friendzones others, show some respect, be honest and stop exploiting the vulnerability of someone who cares for you.

So go on and mortrage all the property you want in this damn land. I really do hope that your investment in that real estate is worth the price!

Author: Tina Barbatsalou

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