People learn what compromising is almost as soon as they learn how to talk. “Don’t sing in the middle of the night; don’t ask our guests inappropriate questions; don’t take your brother’s toys” and so on. These are only a few rules you might have had as a kid. When it comes to Human Behavior 101, compromising isn’t a bad thing at all. On the contrary, it makes everyone’s life easier.

In relationships, however, it is anything but a blessing in disguise. Do me a favor, try not to think of the first, “love-overflowing” stages. In those stages, passion is blind and so are you. You are even capable of changing your entire way of life to please your significant other and you don’t mind at all.

You have been so badly deceived! The crack of doom is coming soon. The more you avoid speaking about things you dislike, the more you feed the indignant monster inside you. Who’s that guy? Come on, you already know it and have encountered it quite a few times in the past. It comes up when you explode in rage after something ridiculously simple your S.O. said, but this time, for you it was “only the tip of the iceberg”.

See, all this tension building up isn’t the best for a relationship. Sometimes it’s better to just speak your mind when you feel like doing so. It may seem like a temporarily inconvenient situation, but it is preferable when compared to the chaos caused by the release of repressed anger, don’t you think?

I don’t feel like going camping with your parents” is significantly better than “Do you think I am going to stand one more weekend in that swamp your parents call a camping site and watch your mom exfoliate her heels in front of me?”. Apparently “I don’t enjoy your group of BFFs” is more pleasant to hear than “Why are you dragging me out with that bunch of numbskulls again?”. You can tell the truth, without being an ass about it, you know, right?

Whatever you do to escape from an uncomfortable situation, it will probably be more or less inconvenient. Here comes the dilemma: would you choose to say the hard truth and face the consequences of disappointing your S.O. or would you lie to get away with it and postpone the conflict?

None of them seem efficient. Sadly, many people prefer the latter until they can’t take it anymore. This way, they only end up supporting the former, in ways that hurt both. It is nothing but a lose-lose situation. Their patience is depleted, they get rude and disappointment is in the air, sucking all the positive vibes this relationship used to have.

Anger is a bad advisor. Piled up anger, on the other hand, is disastrous. There is no easy way out. Say what you want to, the moment it comes to your mind. Don’t be afraid of displeasing the other side. Either way, you will end up disappointing the other person, and yourself as well. Even in the worst-case scenario, an early deal-breaker is better than accumulated misery.

Think about it…

Author: Tina Barbatsalou

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