I’m sure you’re not thinking about this now – other issues are troubling your mind. But one way or another, you have to know.

You have to know how you came to lose her.

You lose her every time you acknowledge only her flaws. She never presented herself as someone who is perfect; she’s far from perfection, she doesn’t want to indulge in it anyways. She’s going to make you mad. There are some parts on her that aren’t that great, and in fact, she can be weird in her own way.

You lose her every time you leave her go to sleep feeling unwanted or, worse yet, feeling like she doesn’t deserve your warmth, your affection, or even your attention. Something gets broken inside her when she has to question her worth or she begins to think that she has issues for wanting all these things. She gets shattered piece by piece when she keeps wondering if what she’s asking for is too much.

You lose her every time you leave her mind in doubt, forcing her to create numerous scenarios in her head – just to have one slight chance to understand you better. You create a strain for her, one she has to overcome by herself, fighting second by second to come out alive from the hell in her mind.

You lose her every time you try to play mind games and make her jealous. If she’s worth her dime, she won’t be amused; in fact, you beome unworthy of her trust in her eyes. Those games don’t interest her, and her loyalty towards you shouldn’t be questioned when it’s clear and proven right in front of you.

You lose her every time you approach the relationship only on your terms. There’s two people in the relationship not just you. Her needs have to be taken care of just as much as yours. Don’t neglect that.

You lose her every time you don’t let her express herself or speak her mind in front of you. When you make fun of her for her preferences, know that she’ll close herself up like a shell in the sea. When you find her ideas dumb, know that she’ll never be able to be comfortable around you.

You lose her every time you try to make her compete with your other “queens of the castle”; be that side chicks or even exes. She’s not by your side to put up a fight. She’s not there to prove she’s better than the rest. And even if she does prove it, she’ll do it with her grace. She’ll do it with respect. She’ll do it with her good heart. She won’t devalue herself. Open your eyes to notice the difference.

You lose her every time you take her for granted—as if she ever gave you the right to think that. She didn’t. She’s not the type to let people walk all over her. She’ll be there trying to make it work, giving it a thousand chances. That however doesn’t mean she’s afraid to rock the boat or call you on your mistreatment.

You lose her every time you underestimate her, thinking that finding a person like her is the easiest thing in the world. It isn’t. In a world of “a dime a dozen” photocopies, she’s one of a kind. And I think we both know that the grass on the other side isn’t really greener, it just seems like that because you’re so far away from it.

You lose her every time you make her feel she’s not enough or better yet inadequate, when you knew from the beginning what she’s like and what you’re going to get. And trust me, she’s enough. She’s more than enough.

You lose her every time you don’t communicate with her in the simplest manner, making her think she’s demanding as hell, or needy. You make feel guilty for not being able to read your mind, when in fact she shouldn’t have to.

But most of all, you lose her every time you don’t make her a priority causing her to think she doesn’t deserve it, causing her to believe she doesn’t deserve to be treated well.

So, yeah, that’s how you managed to lose her.

Just in case, one day, you find yourself wondering how you did it and why she’s no longer there.

Author: Victoria A. Dimou

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