Ever had that moment when enough is enough? Or the thought that even if I approach things calmly and politely, it won’t make a difference?
Shit just got real—or will get real for sure.
You usually think that there are two ways to solve a problem, or state something that bothers you. Okay, maybe three. The one is politely; with a lot of explaining. The second is sharply, stating the freaking red line is crossed. The third one is stomping your feet like a child, screaming and yelling.
I usually prefer the first one. Even when I’m extra pissed off. The second is needed for extreme cases, when really the line gets crossed. I won’t be bothered with the third. Well, what happens when neither of these main choices won’t work? What happens when instead of being understood, you get to be perceived as the “nice” person, with no backbone at all?
Shit. That’s what happens.
A lot of shit, in fact.
One moment you’re there feeling wronged for whatever reason. You’re trying to explain, resolve it as quickly as possible with dialogue. It gets solved. Time passes though, and again, something else happens. And you find yourself back to square one with the situation overall; with the person overall too. Somehow, they think that you’ll always be civil and say “it’s okay”. Somehow, it is expected of you to agree with what’s happening and go with the flow. You have to pretend that nothing is happening and that everything is okay; it will pass, it’s just a rough patch. And worse? It’s expected that you’ll always be there accepting everything that happens.
Alright, let me get something straight. When, why and how was this assumption made?
It was made during the time, when the kindness or being civil was perceived, or assumed, to be a weakness. It was made during the time, when you were thinking it’s stupid to give the cold shoulder and take an eternity to solve a problem. There you have it.
You have to nod your freaking head and say yes—that’s the expectation, that’s the reality they bathe in.
Till that day comes. The day when the line is crossed, and you know that simply explaining won’t cut it anymore. Sharpness needs to be combined with a strong voice; the one that is sure of what it speaks out about. You’re thinking that it might be a good idea to try to explain. But you have two choices: losing your yourself completely and accepting everything that comes your way or saying something.
Beware. You’ll be accused of being many things—mostly due to their ultimate surprise. It will pass. Remember, it isn’t expected from you. You’re always the kind one that appears to be weak. Until today. And just like that, you realize that you’ve never been weak at all. Just kind. And kindness is the ultimate weapon.
You talk with another tone in your voice now. The sharpness isn’t the same anymore. The statements go one by one on the table, along with the facts. In the past, you would’ve cranked up and maybe even shed a tear. But today it’s different, isn’t it? Your voice gets louder. You stand taller. Whatever comes out of your mouth is in a-matter-of-fact.
You can’t be quiet anymore. You won’t be quiet anymore, or better yet civil. Sometimes, being civil or calm doesn’t do any good or solve the issue at hand. And you stand there having no choice in your hands. What else are you going to do? Stomp your feet like a child?
No. Just look at the choices you have right there in front of you.
I know I did.
And I decided I couldn’t be quiet anymore. Because my kindness isn’t weakness.