vic28072020

You had a high value in my heart once; it was as if I had you placed on a throne that was quite untouchable and extremely unapproachable. No one could move you from there – not even the evidence I had to the contrary. It took a lot of time, and dismissal of my own feelings, to realize what was actually going on. Were you really irreplaceable? The one and only that would change the way I see love and relationships? Once, I would have said yes; now, it’s quite the opposite.

You see, I have now come to see the whole picture, your true image – what you’re really like. And I don’t like it anymore. Not because I’m not willing to accept that people have their flaws along with their strengths, we all do. It has to do more with the fact that I’ve changed, and I’m no longer in the position to say “okay” or “yes” to any type of bullshit. I found my voice. And because of that, I was able to reconsider everything from the beginning.

It happened in one single day. The moment you decided to talk to me in a way as if you’re talking to an acquaintance, it was over. Too easy, right? Well, after all these years it had to happen this way. In one instant, you were out of my life once and for all. You still are.

By the way, thank you. Thank you for treating me like you met me yesterday, even though we have shared a million things all these years. Thank you for forgetting who were talking to. Thank you for even showing me the bad side of you, the one that you know isn’t going to get you anywhere in the future. In just one instant, you made it easier for me to walk out without a glance back. No second guessing, no doubt, not even one tear shed.

I need none of these things anymore. I no longer feel the urge to think about you, or wonder what you’re doing and how your life is. I don’t have the desire to hear about you, or hear your voice. What’s the point in doing so anyway? Besides being apathetic, I can’t think of another reason.

Yes, I have successfully entered the stage where I no longer care. Little by little, piece by piece, I’m starting to forget you- and I couldn’t feel more free.

Have you ever heard the saying “You made me grow flowers in my heart, and although they’re beautiful, I cannot breathe”? Well, I couldn’t find a quote more relatable to us – to our whole story. I used to care for your “flowers” and whatever you were offering me. Every good thing was well-kept and overprotected. But still, even though the cage was getting tighter and stronger, I didn’t want to get out. I knew it was bad for me, but I was always trying to come closer.

Not anymore. I no longer cherish the sound of your husky voice and loud laugh. The details of your face aren’t present in my dreams. Neither is your touch, or the feeling of your body close to mine. Details of you are leaving my memories and go right in the box of the past, like they should.

This time, I don’t want you to come. I want you to stay there, right where you belong – behind me. Behind me, far away, where you’re no longer in the position to touch me in any way. It’s my turn now to dismiss you once and for all.

And I did – for good.

Author: Victoria A. Dimou

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