Most love stories begin with a kiss.
This one begins with a well-constructed mask and premeditated murder.
He ties his words around your neck like a corset, fashioning you into his soul as his soulmate. You begin to believe that you have a ‘once a lifetime’ kind of connection with him, and he affirms it, making it harder for you to get out of his vise and away. He constantly shows you how much he wants to be with you; in reality, he wants nothing but constant validation. He plays the victim by telling you a story about how his ex-lover betrayed him even though he had given his all to her. You promise him that you will heal his wounds. His eyes are always sad, but soon you will realize, all they’ve ever been are empty.
You start falling in love, you think there’s something different about him, you see something in him, you believe he is different. Slowly, you start getting addicted to him. He knows how to make you get addicted to him, and he enjoys it. His love is like a drug. To the narcissist, romance isn’t romance until it’s like cocaine. A drug you begin to sniff daily. Narcissists seem to take advantage of the people that “feed” and nurture them regularly. You might think that if you continue on a path of endless giving, he will come to his senses and he will respond with kindness.
Sorry love, but this approach doesn’t work with a narcissist.
First dates become fifth dates, months speed by as you lose yourself in his arms. You begin to lose touch with your friends and family members. He seems to encourage this behavior, and at times even demands it. After years of living in a war zone, you get to enjoy what feels like a decade of peace, until the first blow — which comes like a gunshot in the dark as you’re sleeping. You try to awaken from that nightmare, only to realize that it’s not a dream. It’s a reality!
The mask slips and your reality becomes hell. He is not the person that you thought he was anymore. You make excuses to yourself, thinking that it was just a ‘bad day’ for him. He leaves you bleeding on the floor. He does nothing to save you. He likes seeing you crawling, trying to stand on your feet again. Your body once was his shelter, but it has now become a breeding ground for his lies. He loves to see you squirm and he loves to play and win games. A narcissist is very skilled at getting what he wants using charisma, manipulation, mind games, passive-aggressive behavior, and control. They are adept at manipulating and brainwashing people close to them so that the victims will take on the guilt. A self-absorbed person only can see the faults of others, but they are often color blind to their own.
When he said, “I am in love with you” he meant he loved the way he felt when he was around you. He loved seeing himself through your eyes. He craved validation. Narcissists love having someone to tell their stories to, to share their opinions, their theories and beliefs. They love imagining how enthralled with them you might be. When a narcissist says that he is in love with you, he means that he loves the feeling of not being alone.
Narcissists love having a full-time, personal audience. When they say that they love you, they mean that they love being your mystery and your obsession. They love being the center of your attention, the object of your sacrifice. They simply love being the source of your pain. When they say that they are in love with you, they mean that they love the story they can tell their next lover, about an ex-lover that inexplicably disappeared.
When he said, “I love you” what he really had in mind was “You give me the energy I crave”. Narcissists don’t really view your wellbeing as important as their convenience or desire for whatever it is they want at that moment.
This man stole the light right out of you. But now, you can see clearly. You finally started to recognize the human being that he is. You see him, you see the human, but not humanity. He destroyed you over and over but you managed to build yourself back up into someone that he will never have the honor of getting to know.
You are not his victim anymore.