So, you just lost the love of your life.

No, wait. Let me rephrase that. You just lost the person you thought was the love of your life. Oh, the devastation you must’ve felt when you realized the wedding bells in your ears rang only in your head! Such a pity that a romance so glorious ended before you managed to exchange your vows. I’m sorry, but when you’re done mourning come back to read the rest of this article because I’m not here to comfort you.

Done? Great.

Now wipe the left-over tears and get your ass off the bed. Turn your music up loud, open the windows and let fresh air fill your house, your lungs and your mind. You may also want to grab a glass of water and a pill because what I’m about to tell you will be a shocking, mind blowing and world changing; as far as truths go.

The person you dated, the same person you lost, was not the love of your life. Yes, you read that right. Nope, you weren’t soul mates. No, the stars and the universe did not conspire to force you two together and you were certainly not connected with the red string of fate. And before you start questioning my motives let me make clear that I’m not here to hurt a wounded soul. More like help speed up the healing process.

So, how do I know that this person was not your other half?
Because, if they really were your other half, they’d have stayed.

Yes, timing isn’t always the best. Sometimes it’s actually the worst, and you meet the right person at the wrong time, age or even place. Hard knocks will be there and, yeah, it’s possible that things will get bad. You will fight. You will scream at each other and break promises, plates and that knick knack their mother gave you. Sometimes your fights will look like World War III and sometimes the things you say to each other will resemble drama of soap operas.

You could have a million problems with yourself, with the world, with everyone and everything around you; and they could too. Maybe you disagree on everything and the common ground between you is so tiny that you need a magnifying glass to see it. I’m sure there are many things you can’t stand about each other and it is possible that all your efforts to compromise have failed.

Or, perhaps, the break up was your fault. You could be too pushy, too needy, too selfish. Your jealousy may drive your lover mad. You pushed them away because you had to face your own demons, you shut them out, you played them, you tricked them. Maybe you’ve been awful, or maybe it was the other way around

It doesn’t matter. If they really were the right person, they’d find a way to overcome anything life throws your way.

You shouldn’t be upset or feel deceived though, because no one messed with you and your love life. We always blame others when things don’t go as planned; after all we’re talking about big time dreams that got crumbled. It’s only human to do so, and all of us are cowards from time to time. Taking the blame for something that went wrong is a really hard thing to do.

But what’s harder is admitting that the ideal relationship -of any kind- you had planted in our brain came to an end. Every time you fall in love it feels like nothing you’ve experienced so far because every person you fall in love with is different. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that every person you date is the love of your life.

When you meet that one person, you’ll know. And even if you don’t realize it right away, you will eventually because that person, the one who’s actually the love of your life, won’t leave.

They’ll stay.

They’ll put up with your shit on a daily basis. They’ll let you be an ass and they’ll be an ass to you, too. They’re gonna scream louder than you and smile back wider than you do. They’ll stick by your side through every hardship. Together will have a whole new meaning because this time it won’t just be a pretentious closeness; together will mean that you won’t have to do it alone.

I am no fortune teller and I don’t know how the love of your life will come. Maybe it’ll be all flashing lights and fireworks. Perhaps it will be simple, without confetti rain and grandiose announcements.

But I know that they will come and when they do, they’ll never leave.

Author: Matina Tsouma

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