I hate a lot of things.

Yes, I am a grumpy old soul trapped in a young man’s body, so bear with me as I will spit my venom today, at all those people who choose to show off in different ways, depending on the season. And since summer is approaching faster than we can think, I believe I should “honor” all those that will attempt to rub in our faces how amazing they are during summer.

Yes, you know exactly who these people are. They are easily discernible in the crowds towards the end of spring; constantly in our faces in social media. And boy they are annoying as fuck!

The fake tan has been brought to a whole other level, to the point where I genuinely think they showered with Cheetos and then rubbed them repeatedly and extensively while listening to Britney Spears or Justin Bieber.

They have already filled their playlists with “summer songs” and awful remixes of mediocre songs in the winter, while those summer hipsters are already searching for the next one-shot that will drill everyone’s ears and will test our patience. I feel so sorry for the DJs that will have to hold off hordes of bimbos with “assets” and 6-pack douchebags that will keep asking for the same track 24/7.

I will not even go as far as comment on clothing. Stylistic options are completely subjective and who the hell am I to judge someone about their choice of outfits? But you know what, my eyes hurt with all those bright colors. Might be that I like black and dark colors. But it feels like Disneyland and traffic police had a child that had a sunburn and then applied a bright marker on it. I need polarized sunglasses just to turn my head around dammit!!!

And don’t get me started on the worst thing possible during summer. All those people trying all possible variations off “-ccinos.” All those smartass shop owners and food and drink chains that find quite “innovative” ways to sell usual drinks with extraordinarily and absurdly high prices, all in the name of the new trend and how “cool” it is (yes that’s an amphisemy, deal with it).

At times like these I wish I owned one of those stores that have awesome marketing strategists and quite gullible clientele. But then again I don’t think I could make so blatantly steal money for something that probably costs 400% less than what I charge, just because it has an exotic and hard-to-pronounce name.

I will not touch summer flirting in this article because it honestly is not worth it. Those that go to bars to have a summer fling (and fuck) with all of the cheesy lines and the sadistically ironic—for their lack of content— dialogues, are mainly what I like to observe when I am out.

Call me snobbish, call me what you want, but I like summer because it is a season to rest and have fun without being annoying to other people. And being a show-off really is annoying and borderline criminal.

But that’s just me.

Or is it?

Author: Michael Poe

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