The one I hate, the one that hurts me every damn time I’m close to you. And though it kills me to be near you, the one I can’t stand being away from you. You’re the one I keep coming back to; in a way I was never drawn to come back to any woman in my life.
Granted, you’re not the most beautiful in the world. Damn, you might not even be the most beautiful I have ever seen. You’re imperfect, you suffer your vices and yet you drink to their longevity every night. You never sleep, and your lively insomnia suits my own nature. You feed me; you make me drunk with your smell, my legs tremble every time I am near you. Time freezes whenever I think of you. It freezes – and goes back. To our past, to the time I spent lost in you.
Then it goes forward. To our future; a future that, as I see, is inevitable.
Because we both know you are my future but you are being an utter bitch about it. And I hate you for all the trouble I have to go through till we end up together. Make no mistake; we will end up together.
You have given me all the memorable moments of my life, you know. I have fallen in love with you, with everything you have given me. All my precious memories have you somewhere in them. When I left home it was you that was there to hold me in your arms while thinking about what to do next.
Your looks are stunning. We both know I am not your first, and I will not be your last. Nor will you be for me. But see, there’s something about you, can’t quite put my finger on it. It might be our history, could be the stories about you, for all I know is your se appeal.
Everyone I have loved knows you. It’s one of the first things I’ll tell them and by their reaction I’ll judge how big part of my life they will be. You have become the ideal matchmaker, you appear out of nowhere and drive the best people towards me.
But I can’t love you enough. I have to hate you. See, I’m not with you anymore. I am not anywhere near you, and we both know that. But you will not stop chasing after me. You will keep sending me those amazing gifts that will keep me going. Even if I think I don’t need them.
And you will wake me up. You will breathe life into me with a simple kiss, a touch on the shoulder, a dream at night when everything seems peaceful and quiet.
For all the inconvenience and the despair you will occasionally cause me, I hate you because I am deeply in love with you and I can’t have you. Not now anyway.
You are my True North and, just like a compass, I orient my life around you and I will start once again crawling back to you.
Slowly but steadily I will drag my body from the corner of the earth I am and will come back to find you, even if that means I will be nearby, ready for a quick escape whenever possible.
I love you Thessaloniki.
Everything I’ve loved has a piece of you in it.
And I hate you for it.