Love makes no sense, love has no name, love drowns you in tears and it sets your heart on fire… 

Equal to the elements, a wildfire, burning everything in its path, leaving nothing in its wake. A storm at sea, relentless, an unquenchable thirst. A force of nature, uncontrollable and unsustainable, it is born, lives, breathes, exists and dies just like a star. Slowly and then all at once.

A sunrise; a sky growing from black to purple to pink and finally to blue, light seeping over the horizon slowly and, before you know it, bathing everything in its path, warming everything it touches. And then a sunset; the light that has so graciously melted ice and illuminated all the beauty this world holds, fades, and slowly everything is once again drowning in darkness, nothingness, cold.

Love doesn’t last forever; it only lasts for a day. A day counted in moments, not minutes. Those moments compose emotions, not hours. They give life and form to an entity, a union, a couple of people that were once just two separate existences. And just like that, so simply yet so complexly, is a new day born. Slowly, and then all at once.

Whether it’s summer when the days last longer, or winter when they’re shorter-lived, hell, whether you live on the god damn North Pole where the day lasts for six months, it doesn’t matter, there comes a time, when that day ends. And when it ends, it has a happy ending; or it doesn’t.

So much for my happy ending.

Enough with the poetic crap. I was momentarily consumed by the song. It’s her voice, it does that. You would think that it would no longer affect me. I stopped counting the days a long time ago after all. Time means nothing to me anymore; there’s nowhere I have to be, no pressing date, there’s nowhere I want to be, there’s no one expecting me. Minutes are just there to mark hours, and hours to bring my days full circle. My literal ones, because I’ve been submerged in night since you left. And that’s fine; I love the night. I have my peace and quiet. Silence helps me think.

I often wonder what it was. In love, or in love with the idea of love? Consumed by emotion or dreaming of being consumed by it? Or so overcome by the feelings, the things building up inside, that they slowly started to overcome me? I always run around in a circle, no conclusion ever satisfying enough for me. Only that it came slowly; and then all at once. I feared it, because well, what else could I do? The only logical and sane thing to do is fear forces of nature and the chaos they bring to the calm that was there before their sudden appearance.

Invading every thought, and every beat of your heart. Love can make you scream, and it can leave you speechless.

Chaos. Everywhere, in every pore of my body, every corner of my mind. Chaos that subsided into bliss. Happiness, euphoria, an emotion-induced high. I would have gladly spent the rest of my life stoned on you, as an addict would to his drug of choice. I suppose that’s the definition of being an addict, though, right? But what kind of happy ending could I have expected in that scenario? I didn’t even have a clear image of it. Merely a dream that I could barely touch. Something that danced around in my mind from time to time.

Something that was obliterated when your day ended. Because just like you came, the same way did you leave; slowly, then all at once. And withdrawal is a bitch; especially in the dark. It was something I learned to live with, something that I got used to and, eventually, accepted. I returned to “before”. After a while, I was fine. Ice can be just as hot as fire. And it burns just as much. Oh, well. So much for my happy ending.

In the way, you say goodbye and every time you find me. A single glance is all it takes to get inside you.

All it took was a fleeting glance, two gazes meeting. Glittering moonlight on the surface of the sea for me. Something to break the darkness around me. As your face came into focus, I saw light in your eyes. As if dawn had suddenly broken over the mountain tops of your mind. I had never noticed a look like that on your face before that moment. And I froze, terrified; it all came back. Just like your steps towards me through the crowd; slowly and then all at once.

Love has no fear, love has no reason.

I never asked you for one; I never cared for one. Day was back and I had longed for its warmth too much and too long not to just bask in it. I’m not counting moments this time; I don’t care to. My imagination was so poor. My thoughts so hollow, so shallow, grazing only the surface of what you could be to me.

I always thought that love has no end; not real love. I was wrong. It has many endings. One each day. No two days are the same. Neither are the nights that come after them. I realize now that both exist. They just fade into each other. And though the dark of night is still there, you’re right here, gazing up at the stars with me. So much for my happy ending, yes. Because it didn’t suffice. My happy ending has nothing on the one you created. Love only lasts for a day; but sometimes one day is enough.

Stop standing on the edge. Take my hand, erase the past forever.

It isn’t the happy ending I imagined.
It’s reality.
And it’s so much better than anything I could ever imagine.

Author: Nikól Peri

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