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It is clear to us all that when in a relationship, we should be able to be ourselves, say what’s on our mind and not hold back solely to “keep the peace”. Sometimes, though, does “keeping the peace” entail “keeping our peace” and not saying anything? Our partner should love us precisely for who we really are, right? Sure. There are, however, some words which, in any language uttered, tend to have an underlying context that is subconsciously received by the one hearing them. You don’t need to be straightforwardly offensive with your partner for things to take a turn for the worst in your relationship. Sometimes, a few tiny and seemingly unimportant words can do that trick, leaving you to wonder what it is you said. Well, here are 5 +1 little words to avoid in your relationship so you’re not left talking to a closed door.

 

1.. “I”

One word, six letters. No, I didn’t count wrong, it’s just that its overuse is inextricably linked to our overblown egoism (see, six letters). We use the first person singular, automatically excluding everyone but ourselves. “I’m right, whatever you say.”  In any other context, this tiny word would be a turn on, showing a latent dynamism and independence, but when excessively used between partners, it can be harmful to a relationship. Of course, two complete “I” are required to have a healthy and normal “together”; both parties must be equally independent in and out of their relationship so that it’s long-lasting and satisfying. It is then that we have an equal measure that balances things. Finally, its intense use, in many cases conceals signs of indifference, or perhaps even narcissism. “I” really is a thin line to walk…

 

2. “Never” 

Do you know that drinking game, the one very much like “Truth or dare” only the adult version? Yup, you do know. “Never have I ever” we used to say and that phrase alone got us into more trouble with our romantic interests since it was a whole new world of revelations. It’s not only there, though, that the word “never” can cause unnecessary and unwanted friction with your partner. In it hides the refusal to change, to develop, to evolve, to try new things… which is never a good thing. Not to mention that “I’ll never leave you” which is said by some as if to jumpstart a countdown to the end.

 

3. “But”

But what is in “but” that makes it so bad? Well, it’s a conjunction, joining two sentences, which signals a contradiction to something already mentioned. “Always wait for the “but” when you hear something too good to be true,” the older and wiser tell us. A sentence that has this word in it, implies a wound in the recipient’s heart since it is the most typical example of putting some kind of silver lining on your words.  It denotes the tendency of the one who formulated it, to restrain their emotions, passions, and instincts, usually employing logic – even if there is no logic in their argument. Many times it also underlies psychological blackmail and an attempt to create guilt in the recipient.

 

4. “Never mind”

The diva of all phrases, since its frequent use is usually a dismissal. Someone that uses the phrase “Never mind” often, minds. And they always want you to mind too. So when you hear it take a minute and go back to think: what is the real issue? What is it that I shouldn’t mind? Because it may just have nothing to do with you after all. It could very well be used as a veiled avoidance of responsibility, a disclaimer of mistakes, and the denial to face reality. “That bothers me, but never mind,” “Never mind, I consider the conversation over.”

 

5. “Nothing”

There is no other word that stands for absolute emptiness, nothingness and finally is more full than a pressure cooker, ready to explode. We hide our anger, we avoid desires and emotions and all this we are cornered and disorderly in a little word until the explosion that follows is inevitable.

 

6. “I love you”

What kind of a paradox is this? How could the 3 words everyone wants to hear from their significant other actually be one of the phrases that can ruin your relationship? It is a  phrase, which should otherwise be the holiest transubstantiation of feelings, between the couple, isn’t it? And yet, when used carelessly, or when intensely repeated, together with our tendency to use it everywhere as a “goodbye” shows great insecurity since we constantly seek confirmation through the phrase. Moreover, it becomes tedious for both parties, since, in its overuse, it is discredited and loses all meaning and substance.

 

So words have tremendous power especially if we say them often, at the wrong time, in annoyance or an outbreak of anger and therefore it would be wise to learn to control and manage this power because otherwise, love has a way of slipping between words and exiting without us even realizing what’s happened.

Mind them and make them matter.

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