“Forgiveness is the first step on our road back to happiness”.

Well, it took me a long time to understand what it really means to forgive someone. How it feels to let go of behavior that really hurt you and free yourself from feelings of hatred towards them.

Especially, when this ‘other person’, who offended you, who caused you so much pain, is your significant other. Well, then, the possibilities of forgiveness are slim. And I’m talking about all kinds of things that could hurt someone in a relationship; from at least painful – a simple mean word- to, in more extreme cases, cheating or an “unjustified” break up.

Well, why is it harder to forgive the people we are in love with then? Why do we come to analyze each situation, word by word, pulling it apart, looking it up and down, until we decide if we are going to forgive them or not? Why do we torture ourselves this way; and for such a long period of time?

Let me tell you; exactly because our love, our interest, and our expectations are much more significant when it comes to them. And it’s more difficult to accept that the ones who love us could also hurt us as well.

When we talk about a break-up, for example, which left us hurt and disillusioned, forgiveness is the last thought in our mind; blame or victimization, on the other hand, is the number one reaction.

When we think about a lie, about a discussion that offended us or a promise that didn’t become a reality, anger and disappointment flood in our minds.

When generally it is about something that causes bad feelings, we stir up negative emotions and we create even more conflicts between us and our mate. Pain dresses up as anger and torments us for a long time.

And then, somewhere among all these feelings, the idea of forgiveness timidly starts to appear.

But it takes a lot of personal strength to forgive the one you love but hurt you so much.

Because in order to forgive someone you must purge yourself of what has hurt you before; and in order for you to do that, all this pain has to pierce you to your very bones, until you realize that it is time to leave it behind.

And allow me also to mention that nobody’s perfect and we all make mistakes – willingly or not. Thus, nobody deserves all this hatred over their own mistakes.

So, in any case, when you want someone in your life, you need to be able to forgive. Romantic relationships thrive, not because they are perfect, but because the people in them have found a way to heal, to dress their wounds and let the pain go.

When on the other hand someone keeps regularly hurting you with no sign of changing, it’s better to let it go. And forgiveness will also come when you realize that it wasn’t someone’s fault – sometimes that’s just life. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out with someone.

Truth to be told, you cannot torment yourself with misdirected anger, nor can you hate someone for the rest of your life.

“Forgiveness is not something we do for other people; it is something we do for ourselves in order to move on”. It’s a gift each and everyone owes themselves in order to be in peace on the inside.

Because it isn’t simply about accepting or excusing behavior that hurt you. It’s all about letting it go in order to protect yourself from suffering for a long time.

And believe it or not, it’s one of the most redemptional things you could give to yourself.

Author: Tonia Pirtsi

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