Selfishness: The quality or state of being selfish; lack of consideration for other people.
(as Oxford Dictionary defines the word.)
The good thing about selfishness is that it totally serves and benefits one’s self. The bad one is that, in most cases, people usually benefit by it at the expense of others.
But, enough with its general definitions and explanations; let’s apply it to a concept and, particularly, the one of relationships.
Well, nobody is perfect and we all have our little -or big- faults, right? More or less, they all are the basic ingredients of our relationships together with our advantages. But when it comes to selfishness, we are talking about a ‘relationship killer’ rather than a relationship ingredient.
Selfish people always prioritize their lives and everything around them based on their own selves, will and well-being. They are also, usually, in the control of the romantic relationships they are in. They want to lead and they often try to manipulate their significant other –both emotionally and physically.
If I want you to do something you don’t like, by pressuring and making you feel guilty if you don’t, or by being unpleasant in some other way, or by continuously arguing for what I believe as right, I get what I want at your expense, right?
This is a general idea of how it works.
Selfish people are the ones who make you follow their program and they only have specific and limited ‘together hours’. They don’t care much about your schedule and they mostly use their partner as a tool for their own balance and happiness.
Their selfishness makes them feel that they are the superior ones and automatically move their significant other to an inferior grade. They don’t hesitate to downgrade their beloved one at every chance, as it is a way to make themselves look and feel better.
They usually fail to listen, to emphasize, to share or to help. Most of the time they don’t admit their faults even if they realize them. So, words such as ‘apologies’ or ‘sorry’ are unknown to them.
Also, they never budge and if they do, they always have a purpose behind it. They hardly sacrifice something of value -eg. time, energy, money- for others, even if this other is their love.
In a few words, they are the ones who wouldn’t pursue you, or call you first. They wouldn’t send you the message you desperately waited for and they would never stop you when you’d be about to leave. They would never behave apologetically to you and they wouldn’t come to beg you for forgiveness.
They’d hardly do you a favor or try their best for something more of what they could give you. They would never surprise you as you are the one who has to follow them if you want them in your life; otherwise, they could find another one who would run after them and the story would be repeated.
Okay, I’m describing them as a kind of monsters, right? I don’t mean to, as the majority of them don’t have all these elements together. But, even so, could you stay with a person who constantly pays too much attention to himself/herself rather than anyone else?
True love is not a battlefield my dears. We cannot count what we gave and what we got, neither can we fight or argue in a remote wilderness.
Let’s admit it. A selfish person is not able to truly love or fall in love. They usually are attracted to someone and then they pursue them until they get them in their clutches. This is the way they feel satisfaction; by possessing and not by loving.
And don’t fool yourselves that they can change. Selfish people are mainly weak and their selfishness is often driven by the lack of trust or confidence that anyone else can be truly concerned with their beliefs and interests.
They learned to love themselves more than anything else and this is the norm they live by.
They cannot truly love and don’t fool yourself that they will do it for you. What you will mostly gain in this kind of relationship is pain, disappointment and a feeling that you don’t deserve much.
And that is the point; love assumes you must have the guts to climb all the stairs until the upper step and not to find the other in the middle of the road.
And selfish people would never be ready for this kind of thing.
So, stop loving them; besides, they may have a lot of love inside them but they keep it for themselves.
Go out there and love the crazy ones because they are those who would do crazy things and cover miles for you; just to see your smile!