Do I expect a lot from you? I don’t know. It’s just that right now, I am not at my best. I feel down and I am writing this letter to you because I do not have the courage to even talk about it — although I recognize I need to. But my energy, my thoughts are so not me at this moment, that I feel the only way to reach for you, to reach for your help, are through these words.
I feel like I am in the dark. It’s the first time in my life that I am experiencing this and I do not know how to cope with it. Even though I believed I was strong and I can manage things, I believe that it’s time for me to admit my defeat. I have done everything in my power to alter things but I haven’t been able to.
After losing my job I thought that I was strong enough to face the rough days that would come along. But then came the tragic event that I cannot even write it about. You know which one. But even then, I said I would try to find a way to fight my way through. “That’s life”, I said to myself. Tough, and you have to stand up again. And I gave all my powers doing and acting. Thinking of how I can turn things around for a better future. But all my thoughts, all my endeavors, were unsuccessful. And time went on.
You know, there are mornings I wake up and I just sit in my bed wondering what I am going to do next, where can I go from here, what my future will be. So many thoughts, so little time; the day passes by and I think that I haven’t done anything to change things. It’s just as the world, and everything in it, is passing by without me. All the dreams I have, things I’d love to do, I am afraid that I won’t accomplish any of them. Time isn’t my ally I think. The economic status of the country isn’t helpful for chasing my visions.
And that’s why you see me nervous or just lost in my thoughts lately. I see you many times, I know you want to help me. Your words, your thoughts, are so right. They really are. And I am listening to them; always. Trust me. I think they are helpful. But you’re up against so many serious things in your life too — I do not want to make your day more difficult.
But because you have asked me so many times what’s bothering me and why I am like this, I am taking the liberty to write you.
It’s something written on a piece of paper. My thoughts to carry with you. So, I am asking you for this, take care of me now that I am feeling so vulnerable. I do not know if, in this world, it is right to show your vulnerability to someone, but even like this, I am choosing you to be that one. So, hold my hand, love me, hold me until I find the power, the strength, to stand on my feet again.
Just for a little while my precious love…
Take care of me…