We have all been there. Investing in a person’s love and care, or  having someone invest in you, and suddenly having it all stop. The tenderness, the understanding, the everyday communication or the building of a new life is gone and you’re left there wondering “now what?” It is that sense of hope and excitement that you have starting a new relationship and when it deteriorates, everything else around it falls apart, bringing feelings of disappointment, stress and grief.

And this is the first step so to start coping with the breakup. To be able to understand and recognize these crucial emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, to have doubts about the situation or sad feelings. It’s normal to feel angry, frustrated or depressed. You will think that you cannot cope with the situation and falling apart is imminent. You will experience fear that something might happen to you or fear for an unknown reason. Of course the blame game will be there and you will start to have a negative view of yourself and of the world generally. Questions, such as “who am I” or “what do I want to do with my life?” will take over your mind. Having the same worrisome thought over and over, feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless or confused will play a significant role in the whole process of recuperation as it is the first step to self awareness. Understanding who you are, why you are hurting so much, embracing all these scary feelings is essential as it helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.

All the above is accepting your essence, accepting yourself as an incredible human being that is hearting. Now take the second step and start taking charge of your life, taking the wheel again. Start transcending to a new level by creating a new, stronger self. First of all breathe. Everything starts with breathing! Take a step and relax. Sit in a quiet place and think of nothing. Listen to the music you love and relax your muscles. Slow everything you are doing down. The way you eat, walk or talk and give a chance to yourself to feel the magic around you. Little stuff that you have forgotten. A child that is playing in the park, the sound of birds or the music of the raindrops. Feel the warmth of a sunny day or the blue color of the sea.

Create a circle of love. Open yourself to people that love and adore you. Spend time with them and let them support you, value and energize you. Share your feelings with them and your concerns. Schedule things for recreation, such as trips to nature or somewhere you enjoy. Nurture yourself physically and emotionally. Go for a walk, start exercising, meditation or yoga. Read a book and start watching comedies. Pay attention to your needs and emotions. Say “no” if necessary or be understanding. Try to have a routine as it can provide a comforting sense of structure and normality. Do not to make any big decisions after the separation for a few months and let your emotions ease first. Explore new interests in your life, doing pleasurable staff or begin new hobbies.

Nevertheless, every ending is a new beginning and that’s a big truth. It is a chance to reform ourselves the best we can. As you look back on your former relationship and judge things objectively, you have the opportunity to learn more about who you are, the things you want from your other half, the problems you need to work on, what you can tolerate and accept. You will be able to see what went wrong and make better choices. Be aware of this knowledge you are discovering and use it for the next time.

And most importantly, keep moving forward and do not give up on relationships.

Author: Chris Kokkinelis

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