You are comfortable on the couch with your mate after a long day, listening to soft music, drinking a glass of wine and having a light discussion on different matters. Just for the night to pass by. Chattering and bubbling, until someone starts a conversation for fun. (… or maybe not?!) Well, that was one of the nights; and the question was “What would you do, my love, if I ever cheated on you?”
The question came from nowhere and caught me unprepared as to what I might say in respnse to it. But I looked as if I was waiting for it. I looked her deep in the eye and asked her “Why do you ask me? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No…” she said, “I am just curious”.
I took my serious tone and I looked her in the eye, “Well the answer to your question is this, if you cheat on me I will disappear from your life and you probably you won’t ever see me again”.
I think she was a bit astonished by the way I answered her question. From my tone, mostly; it was sharp, serious and wasn’t negotiable. “It’s a direct, honest answer, for a direct hit on our relationship — if it ever happens.”
Explaining, I add. “Why would I keep a relationship with an unfaithful person? Relationships are all about trust and love. I believe mostly the first — and suddenly you decide to go with someone else. I believe that is telling me something about you, that you are not a trustworthy person. I know these are hard words but when things get tough, you must make hard decisions as well.”
I realized, as my rant came to an end, that I was speaking so furiously, as it was really happening. But she kept teasing me by making more intriguing arguments. “Well and if it was only about sex? A mistake of a night? What about then? It wouldn’t be emotional. Wouldn’t you forgive me then?”
“I believe that all these are excuses! If you love me so much, as much as you say you do, then you would have remembered it the first place. I believe there is no excuse in betraying.
I know that temptation is all around us. A little bit of flattery, and you get excited and you make the mistake. But is it a mistake? No, I believe that you would do it because you truly wanted to do it in the first place. And it would be inappropriate for me to stay with a person that takes things so lightly. You would be toxic for me and toxic for our relationship.
And most of all, you know that I have the utmost admiration for you. You are funny, loveable, honest and the list can go on. And for a moment that you would call something like cheating “a mistake”, all these shatter inside me. You would cross boundaries that I thought you would never cross. It would be difficult for me to look at you again and have the same feelings as before. The broken glass would always be there; always shattered, always broken.”
The whole conversation made me nervous I must say. I don’t want to think about it, even though I know that there isn’t any guarantee in life, especially in a relationship. You give your 100% and maybe that’s not enough.
“Anyway”, she said, “I think it’s getting late. Shall we go to bed? I need to be in your arms right now!” I looked her in the eyes, held her hands and said to her “I want to hold you too my love, but trust my words if you ever betray I will leave!”. “I know…” she said.
And with a kiss my imagined nightmare was over.