It’s summer and we all know what this means: Sunny days, warm nights, beach trips and of course the occasional summer flirt, or even fling. Because during summertime people are more relaxed, more laid back and open to any sort of invitation. Sometimes even those who are in a relationship take the chance of fooling around with someone other than their partner.
So this week here at Pillowfights we asked our readers whether or not they’d want to know if their significant other is cheating on them. It seems like you, my lovely readers, didn’t have a hard time answering; 85% of you would rather know what is going on in -and out of – their bedroom while they’re away, while only 15% follows the ”what I don’t know can’t harm me” mindset.
Let’s start with the perfectly rational, in my opinion, winner of our little poll.
Wanting to know if you’ve been cheated on, no matter how painful it can be, seems like the logical answer. Because no relationship can be based on lies, filthy excuses and guilty affection. You can taste the bitterness in your lover’s kiss, you can smell someone else’s perfume on them – if only just in your imagination – and you can sense that the skin beneath your fingertips has been caressed by somebody else.
When you finally learn the truth you can feel your heart breaking into a million pieces and you just keep wondering why. Why would they cheat on you, when you’ve done everything in your power to be an ideal lover? You took care of them when they were sick, you tended to all their needs, you warmed their bed, you organized their life. And what did you get in return? Betrayal.
You had to share your partner with a stranger. It’s even worse when you realize that everyone around you knew; they knew and they whispered and stared with pity and placed a hand on your shoulder, secretly laughing at your fragile happiness. And now you’re a mess, with trust issues and zero confidence. But at least you know the truth. Maybe, just maybe, it would be better if you stayed in your little happy bubble, no?
Yep, I’m talking about the head-in-the-clouds 15% who are not bothered at all by being kept in the dark. Sometimes it’s easier not to know what’s going on; you stay protected in your little cocoon where everything is alright.
You’re happy because you think your relationship is borderline perfect; your partner is happy because they get to enjoy you and whoever else they’re having a good time with. Your neighbors are happy because they don’t have to hear you blast break-up songs at 3 A.M., your friends are happy because they don’t have to comfort you while you’re wailing and the only one who may not be happy is your dad, because he thinks you deserve better.
True, it’s happiness on some level and it sounds way better the breaking-and-screaming reactions you get from hearing you’re being cheated on. But is it real? Darling, you’re playing the villain in somebody else’s fairytale and you don’t even know it. You can’t make dreams and plans for the future with someone who’s not 100% devoted to you. I realize it’s hard to accept the fact that the bond you had with someone wasn’t as special as you thought; but you have to acknowledge it. You can’t ignore your problems in hopes of them going away and, at some point, the truth revealing itself by a miracle. Because, then, maybe it will be too late for you.
Like in every poll, opinions clash. No matter what you voted for, keep your beliefs close to your heart; because maybe, someday, you could turn out to be the cheater.
How will you deal with that? Will you have the guts to stand up and own to what you did or you’ll come to understand how hard can it be – admitting you betrayed a loved one, even if you think truth is necessary? And will you keep it a secret, even if you’re being eaten alive by guilt, all for the sake of preserving your lover’s happiness?