Sex is like food. Let’s take that as a given, an axiom if you will, and take it from there. So what makes food good? It’s clear that for each and every one of us that question can be answered in a different way. I think though, it’s safe to say, a general answer to that would be for a meal to be warm and have enough spices to give it a certain taste. I imagine, of course, there are a few people out there that may love their meals to be cold and tasteless, but humor me.

So let’s say we’ve let our dinner grow cold and lately we’ve cut back on adding salt and to the pan. We’ll eat, but not with an appetite. Maybe we won’t even eat at all and catch a bite out instead. Okay, let’s stop there. Before we get to the point of take out, what do we do to “fix” things at home with our own meal? We’ll put it on the stove again, heat it up, make it simmer and boil and add a few extra spices. Right? Right. Same goes with our relationship.

When things cool down and start to get tasteless in our sex life, what do we do to warm and spice it up?

This week, our poll here at Pillowfights, got into your very own sugar, spice and everything nice. So let’s take a look at your recipes of choice.

Beginning with the minority –can 0% actually be considered a minority or is it better to characterize it a non-existent percentage?– no one voted for letting things take their own course. There’s a problem, we fix it. End of story. Not one of our readers will just let things in their sex life become boring (and eventually end; if we’re being honest about the natural course of things, that is.) It’s good to know that no one is willing to give it up without a fight; it gives me hope for all of our futures.

Moving along, a mere 11% of our readers voted that they would go to extremes to spice up their relationship. Now, I know, don’t shoot, “extremes” take on a different meaning for everyone – just like “exotic food” does. We’re talking fantasies here; which also differ depending on who you talk to. A threesome maybe, a sex tape, some BDSM… something different; and not just a different position. And sure, okay, maybe a theesome is pushing the limits, but there’s always a more “light” fantasy to test drive. Play with sex toys; there are millions on the market. Dress up and roleplay; there’s a reason there are so many adult costumes out there not related to Halloween. And if you’re down to your credit card limit and in need of a quick fix, there are elevators and garages, parks and rooftops everywhere. (Just careful you don’t get caught.) And for the more visual types, there’s always something else as well…

Which, as it seems, takes up a whole 33% of our voting population here. I recently discovered the meaning behind “Netflix and chill” and though I laughed my ass off when I heard what it means –between the lines– it can have application to a relationship that is cooling down. In a variation though. Instead of “How ‘bout we Netflix and chill tonight?” it goes “How ‘bout we porn-flicks and screw tonight?”

Now, now, stop staring at the page and shaking your head. There’s nothing wrong with sitting down with your partner and watching porn (together — for a change). You won’t even get through most of it before reenactment of what’s on screen starts anyway. You need ideas, things that get the blood flowing. Those people on screen –given that it’s quality porn (and yes, there is such a thing)– are professionals. They make a living getting people off. And since you need help in that area, why not give it a go, right?

No? Okay, go back to swooning over Christian Grey and his Shades of fucked up. But wait, that’s porn too, isn’t it? (A perfect example of bad quality porn.)

You could of course take it easy with the spices, not turn up the heat to max, and start slowly. Some sexy new lingerie, a sexy song, a sexy dance, slowly taking things off. Or latex and ripping things off. Works both ways perfectly. Bottom line, 55% of our voters say that the way they would choose to spice up their relationship is to add some new pieces of unnecessary undergarments to their wardrobe and make a whole night of showing them off. If they’re lucky, and the experiment works, all those new skimpy underclothes will be in shreds by the end of the night. If not, well, who doesn’t like lace, right?

So, when heating things up and adding spices to your sex life, it all boils down –or up– (pun totally intended) to fanning the existing flame, throwing in a teaspoon of lacey lingerie, a pinch of porn and a dash of hidden fantasies to the mix. You’ll be licking your fingers (among other things) in no time!

In the end, it’s a phase every relationship goes through. It’s in the hands of both partners to work at getting over the bump in the road and moving into a new chapter of their sex life. It’s natural, it’s normal. And, if you look at it in the right light, it can be super fun as well.

And come on, it’s sex; sugar and spice and everything nice, remember?

Author: Nikól Peri

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