It’s not equally easy for all people to talk about their thoughts or feelings. Many support that it’s easier to speak to strangers; just taking a look at the evolution of social media, dating sites and chat rooms we have proof it. I’ll counter that by saying that communication, in any and every relationship, is the key to success. Yet, sometimes, or rather, in some circumstances each and every one of us find it more difficult to say certain things to our partner than to anyone else.
Which are those things though that each of us find hardest to express to the person we’ve chosen to share a piece of our lives with? This week at Pillowfights we asked our readers to vote on what it is that gets stuck in our throat each time.
Starting from the bottom and working our way up in percentages, our first group of readers, a mere 1% voted that “I love you” seems to be the hardest word. Yeah, yeah, I know, the song doesn’t quite go like that, but I can relate to it better with those lyrics – along with the 1% above. Let’s not take the phrase literally for a moment; it’s not so much about not being able to say those magic three words, but more like they have an issue with speaking about their emotions. Revealing the workings inside their minds and their hearts, letting someone peek over those high walls, even if that someone is the one they are romantically involved with and whom these things concern first and foremost, is so terrifying that they choke on all expressions of the type. Even if you’re not one of these people, I’d bet dollars to donuts that you’ve met one of them at least once in your life.
Then again, as the song really does go, sometimes “… sorry seems to be the hardest word.” (Yeah, I can only be inaccurate for so long…) Even if you haven’t met someone who has a slight problem with expressing their emotions, you will have met someone that has difficulty apologizing. 8% of our readers voted that they find it difficult to say that they were wrong or to apologize for something they did. I’m no professional, but I’d say that the problem here is not so much what the person can’t say, but their ego. When you’re wrong, and you know that you’re wrong, you shouldn’t have difficulty saying it; especially to the person who is –in theory– closest to you. No one is without faults, no one is perfect, no one can be 100% right, 100% of the time. Say sorry; it won’t kill you. And maybe then you can talk about your emotions and find solutions to your problems before they actually cannot be solved solely with an apology.
Yes, talking about one’s emotions is a very sensitive issue. Then again, there are those who don’t actually have much of a filter as much as they may care for their partner. They say what’s on their minds, when they think it, whatever the reaction or consequences. Another 8% of our readers think that this is the way to go. On the one hand radical honesty has its benefits –there can be no conjecture, no misunderstandings, no one can misconstrue your words– on the other, it’s not always necessary, or even fair to say whatever is on your mind. Whether man or woman, I can guarantee that your partner not only doesn’t want to know what you’re thinking 24/7, they don’t need to either. And as we were taught when we were kids: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, better not to say anything at all”.
Even more sensitive a subject to sit down and have a discussion about is when there were emotions, at some point, and now there’s nothing there anymore. 33% of our readers voted that the most difficult thing to tell their significant other is that, well, they’re no longer their significant other; that, in other words, they’re no longer in love. Given that you could actually fall out of love (something which I don’t believe – but that’s another article for another day) and knowing that the person you’re speaking to loves you and knowing, for a fact that what you’re about to tell them will most likely break that heart so full of emotion for you… well, no, that’s no easy feat. Not if you have a conscious and you’re not completely void of feeling.
Last, and clearly not least, is a whole 50% of our readers. According to them the most difficult thing to discuss with their partners is their past. It’s a rather staggering percentage, not one we see often. But it makes sense. Mainly because, any difficulty in discussing anything, derives from something that happened to us in our past. Or that that past in itself is difficult to discuss. Let lying dogs lay, right? What good can come from poking at things that are done and gone, correct? I’d generally agree with that, if not for the fact that your past is what makes you who you are in the present. When speaking to your partner, the person you love, and who loves you in return, it is natural to talk about your own personal history, even if it is hard. Giving insight, telling them about your life before them can actually save you quite a bit of trouble along the way. If they know what makes you tick and what your triggers are, it will be so mush easier for them to understand you and avoid hurting you in the future. Yes, the past is in the past, but it never ceases to make guest appearances in the present from time to time.
In any case, communication is the key to any successful relationship. Being able to be open, free, to talk to your person is what keeps you together. You should be able to tell them anything, especially the things that are the hardest to utter to anyone. Accepting who you are, all the facets of your character, whether that is that you love them or that you admit to screwing up, like any human being, whether it’s about the things that have happened or that you’ve done in the past or even if you need to tell them that your feelings for them have changed, is part of your relationship.
Besides, there’s nothing interesting about a closed book; other than the cover of it. And how long is your loved one going to spend staring at that?