It seems like a common belief that most people yearn for stability in their relationships, a steady hand to hold on to, a promise of a future clear-cut and fairly easy to predict. Especially when it comes to the fair sex, this tends to be an all-time label stuck on our foreheads.

However, Pillowfights conducted its weekly poll and, considering the fact that a great number of our readers are women, this week’s poll bursts that bubble and sends us hurling back to reality: A stunning 62% of our readers screamed that their greatest fear is NOT instability, but, au contraire, the routine that underlies it. Why is that, you ask?

I can only presume certain reasons and pray that my presumptions are correct. First of all, let me focus on the word “routine” itself: 1. (noun) a sequence of actions regularly followed and 2. (adjective) performed as part of a regular procedure rather than for a special reason. Hmmm, both sound amazing when you use them to describe a relationship, don’t they?

Not so much, of course. So, as you see, routine is negatively linked inside our heads with repetitive actions that lose their significance as time goes by. And who wants to see gestures that were once meaningful and full of joy and passion (first good morning hugs or a flower given to you on a Sunday) transform into something done mechanically and, therefore, without sentiment?

Apart from that, when the same actions and gestures are repeated every day over and over again, deprived of genuine will and merely as part of a schedule, another fear creeps up on our bed and grabs our foot: One of the two is taking the other for granted (it could be both, don’t bother me with technicalities, you know what I mean). Once the first long-time battle to prove ourselves worthy of our partner’s attention and care is over, one of the two starts abandoning the race, loses the eagerness to discover new gestures, new words and things to share and falls into the pit of repetitiveness of the Old Ways that work anyways.

And lest we forget the overall feeling of boredom that, in a world full of mind and eye stimulations, is not that difficult of a state to come into. There’s a reason why the internet is flooding with articles on how to revive your relationship and chase after new exciting experiences and activities to share with your partner. The fact that we get bored easily is a cold hard truth that explains why it scares 62% of our readers.

The remaining 38% however seems to kick away the previous notions and worry more about not being able to identify their relationship as a sturdy and stable one. For these readers of ours “routine” is not a scary word with a negative tone, but merely a proof for a relationship’s depth and long lasting prospects.

Because, for some people, sharing usual every day habits with their partners doesn’t induce boredom. They don’t need to always share new things with their significant others – it means as much to them to share the old ones they both know and love. And no one can argue about the bonding that follows when these habits are formed, for example, when a simple act such as brushing your teeth in the morning becomes a private ritual of you two making a little dance every time you do it.

For these people, routine is a synonym of trust and acceptance, of not constantly trying to find ways to make sure that you won’t be bored, because you both realize that you are humans, that your everyday life can consume you and that you can’t be this superhuman creature that is exciting and mysterious 24/7 – and that’s okay, because the person walking by you can see it and still love you and want to be with you.

All in all, people, I think it depends on timing and character. Timing is the period you and your partner are in, sometimes ready to pack a backpack and hit the road and others having the need to settle down and only enjoy each other’s company. And, of course, there are some people that are more adventurous and easily bored by nature, while others seek for calmness and stability as a refuge from their everyday craziness.

In the end, all that matters is whether your appetites and timing are in tune with those of your partner’s, right?

Author: Petra Lane

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