People made from sugar, spice and all things nice only works in fiction – actually maybe just in the world of the Powerpuff Girls. Reality though is different, as much as we try to be this perfect version of a person we will never really quite get there. Why? Because we are never meant to.
Even the people you admire so much for their kindness, cleverness beauty -and all those fancy positive adjectives- have flaws. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
I am incredibly vicious and kind at the same time and I have no shame in admitting it. It’s not something that I advertise on billboards but its neither something I desperately try to hide. It’s the way I am, the way I was made, the way my character was shaped and that’s all there is to it.
When someone gives us a compliment about our personality, it can actually make our day, and based on that compliment we try to find ways to make that complimented part of our personality shine out more. It’s something good right? So why not show that good side of ourselves even more?
The most recent compliment I got was being called cruel for not letting go of my unforgiving nature (that’s another one to add to the list!). At first I remember trying to justify it for a bit, first to the other person that said it and then to myself, but then I realised that there wasn’t any actual reason to do so. The main reason for that is because that person didn’t really tell me something that was new. Being called cruel is not something that I haven’t heard before and actually I never really tried to rectify. Again, it’s not something I advertise as being my best quality, but whether me or anyone else likes it or not, it’s there.
I have a collection of ridiculous quirks and habits. The list can go on and on and I’ll probably discover more halfway through. This is the part I believe a lot of us go through. That time when we discovered that we do certain things in a way that may be perceived as ‘weird’. The first people to describe it as such are our parents. My mother still hasn’t gotten over mine and she points out one every day; and then we start from the beginning again.
I haven’t changed any of my habits last time I checked and I’m not planning to anytime soon. My habits belong to me and I simply can’t imagine what I would be like without them.
I am also very vengeful. I have been known to hurt people just for my own pleasure. Whether or not they deserved it is just a matter of which point of view you are looking at from; but from far away I did get my revenge on some people and I made damn sure it was painful. You can point the finger and tell me off for it as much as you like but I will shrug my shoulders the same way I will if you tell me that being scared of walking under signs on the road isn’t normal.
We are so busy trying to always show the best in our personalities that we are actually just setting ourselves up for disaster. We allow people to only get to know the ‘good’ part of who we are, so much so that, at the first sign of the ‘bad’, they are left stunned. This is then followed by a long discussion with ourselves trying to explain and to find ways to change.
I’m not made from sugar, spice and all things nice. Maybe cinnamon, eyeliner and sarcasm but I definitely don’t have a halo shinning on top of my head; and I don’t really mind that. I don’t need to explain myself or my personality to anyone. Those who aren’t scared of admitting their flaws are those who aren’t going to see much wrong in yours. Life itself is not always just good so why should the people pretend it is?
You know that deep down you’re a bit of a bitch, an asshole. You are selfish, you are a liar, you are a cheater. It might not be one of those but you are something, something you may not be proud of, something you didn’t choose to be but became. No matter the story, it’s you. It’s me, and I’m okay with that.