You will always carry a piece of my innocence with you, a seemingly small but enormously important part that shaped me into the person I am today. It’s no lie that next to you I grew up, I found that it’s true what they say that time doesn’t do anyone any favors and that it goes by quicker than anyone of us could ever imagine.
Who knew that all the times you held me in your arms and we thought that the entire universe stood still for us was a lie? It didn’t.
Time kept on moving, life kept on evolving and we kept growing up. Maybe faster than we really wanted, but we had to. We lived each day thinking that our moments would last for as long as we wanted them to, concealing ourselves in our little bubble of bliss.
It’s time that we burst that bubble.
You know that I don’t want to let you go, don’t you? But we both know that its time. The fact of the matter is that if we don’t do this now we will both end up getting stuck -stuck in a present that we know we’ve outgrown- and ending up resenting each other in the future. Holding on to what we have is using up all our energy and all the time we need to look at the bigger picture dawning on us. The future.
But how can I ever leave you? Your sweet unyielding heart has carried me through up to this moment, cherishing me like the most precious of things, believing in me when no one else would and seeing all the things that were kept hidden behind a rough façade. Your smile carried me through my darkest moments and your laugh shined a light when everything I saw around me was black.
Why does it have to be like this?
Maybe it’s a rite of passage that everyone has to go through when they reach a certain stage in their lives. When you’re in a middle of a crossroads and you know that by taking one direction you’re denying the other person of theirs. It’s a huge burden to bear, to let someone sacrifice their own way to becoming who they want to be, in order to keep them by your side.
They skip this part in fairy-tales. The prince falls in love with the princess and then whisks her off to his castle. They never talked about the day the princess wanted to get a doctorate, become an activist, write a book or just get out of the castle and experience something new. They all ended with the words ‘and they lived happily ever after’, but for how long?
I’m not a damsel in distress anymore, and I have lived in our sparkling kingdom for quite some time but you need to forgive me one day for saying… it’s not enough anymore.
Anyone can call me selfish, that’s okay, maybe even call me undeserving, I will take that too, but I learnt the hard way that there is no shame in letting go of who you used to be in order to become the person you want to be, and that decision often means that you are going to have to let go of some really important things. Things that you will forever adore and hold dear into your heart, that you will frequently look back on and feel a little bit sad.
But you know deep down that when that day comes, that you can say that you’ve done what you needed to do, you know that it would all have been worth it because at the end of the day, this was the only way you could do it.
They say happiness is only worth if you share it with someone. I agree. What I don’t agree with is that everyone can have someone next to them until they achieve that happiness. It’s a sad fact, but it’s true.
I’m a big girl now, and as much as I wanted to stay your little fairy I can’t. And I’m not going to cry, I’m going to lock you into my heart until we meet again and we can rejoice in the people we wanted to be and we have finally become.