It is commonly believed, especially among women, that we live in a male dominated society, where we, men are strong and solid, and march in the world protected by the shining armor of our masculinity. Due to this perception, it is hard to imagine that men hide as many insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears as our female counterparts do. However, as it is uncovered when we meet and have conversations –which I must assure you are not always about chasing women and football– we quite often object to the conventional image society has prescribed for us, and seek romance and relationships which will offer love and affection.
There are so many fields in which men are insecure that I would need too many pages and too much ink to write them all down. So, I will choose to describe the insecurities that are caused by misconceptions that are perpetuated by society –and for that reason create problems in relationships.
Women accuse men that they are very difficult to hold onto in steady relationships. They claim that most men feel trapped when they have to put all their eggs in one basket. Even some men, misguided by social stereotypes, believe that since they have been biologically engineered to be hunters, they cannot function properly with only one woman in their life.
Perhaps that’s true for some of us. But this is not the case for the majority of the male kind. When we are in a relationship, we tend to invest emotions heavily in the women we are with. It’s in our nature to be tender and affectionate, ladies, believe it or not. And this is a source of great insecurity because if she, the girl we date, decides to cheat on us, or to abandon us, then the gap she leaves is very hard to fill. It is not as easy as many members of the female population think to replace the love we lost.
First of all, we have to go out and play the game of risking to be rejected or laughed at every step of the way. Is that the same with girls? Definitely not. Women just have to say yes when a proposition arises and even if they approach a man for sex, the most likely situation is that willing partners will be lining up. There is no doubt most men have to work harder to build a new relationship and this causes problems and insecurity even among the most confident of us.
Another parameter that creates a lot of insecurities and fears among men is sex and the mythology that surrounds it. We all worry whether we are going to be good enough in bed. We have made sex a competition, the holy grail of our life, where the best of us will conquer all the women, and the fear of not being equally good to the myth we have created, has put a huge burden on us. We set up a trap and have fallen inside it all by ourselves.
We have allowed society and women to consider sex a test in our ability to please. But rarely are women’s abilities in bed assessed as strictly as men’s are. Sex is not an assessment or a test. All human beings whether men or women have different levels of experience. Sexual experience should be accepted for what it is. It has its good sides, even its funny sides, but it also has its difficult points like every experience in life.
So girls, stop reading all those stupid articles in women’s magazines and the advice that all the so-called “psychologists” give on how to enhance sex with your partner. Be honest with us and we will be honest with you.
We can all learn with open communication and we will be better in every level. Then, no one will feel insecure any more.