vovos22072020

It’s 3 in the morning, alcohol running through my veins and my mind still stuck on the same profile. It’s been almost 2 months since the last time we talked and it feels like an eon ago. It’s difficult to suddenly stop talking with the one person you used to share everything with.

Before I even realize it I am in your profile again, searching for a clue to what’s happening in your life, who these guys are; how is your life going without me in it. Why am I in your profile? I am trying to figure out if you are still single.

I guess I am not over you yet.

Should I be?

I don’t know… How can you get over the one you hoped you would spend the rest of your life with? The one who, when you hugged, you heard the click.

When I first saw you I could swear I heard my heart whisper “Oh there you are! I ‘ve been looking for you.”

I have ended up knowing how many likes your post has and, in some cases, I even know by heart all the people who liked it. It seems creepy, but I don’t have a choice. I don’t have control over my mind. When the sun goes down, and I am left alone with my thoughts, I do it mechanically.

After this, I read, all over again, parts of our conversations and messages, all the while being extremely careful not to press that ”magic hand” in the bottom right corner of the window.

I start wondering why was there was such a turn of events, why did we have to break up, why is life so unexpected at times? How can we, the commoners, contend such high powers as love? We are born with the sole purpose of finding our other half, but what happens when we lose it?

Every night I write the very same message and just before I send it I change my mind. I erase it and go to sleep thinking that I shouldn’t send it now. I keep asking myself if it’s still worth it to abandon everything and try this again – but you were the one always afraid of big commitments and leaps of faith.

All this time I have been wondering if you have the same feelings towards me. We have moved forward now, I am in a new relationship, and probably so are you. Maybe the time has yet to come, for this message to see the light of day.

It is your birthday in 5 days and I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to wish you a happy birthday like nothing ever happened, or act like I forgot what day it was?

But how could I forget?

I have been waiting for this day a long time now but suddenly it seems so close. I was always the punctual kind of guy, who would send his wishes exactly at 12:00 am, but for the first time, I might want to try to seem uninterested and cold. I know this will be difficult for me. I know I can’t hide well from you. You could always tell when I lied; you were so good at reading me.

After 2 months you are still on my mind every day, as if not a single moment has passed. I hope one day I won’t remember this pain that feels like it can go on for forever.

Author: Konstantinos Vovos

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