susanna08072020

Any person you cross paths with in this life has something to offer you, something to teach you, something to make you learn from. You were one of the people that made me realize that you weren’t the blessing in my life, but the lesson.

Moments and memories you spent with someone cannot, unfortunately sometimes, be deleted from your memory. As much as I tried, there will always be a memory of you. Beautiful memories, full of laughter and love – but also filled with tears and negativity.

I was probably never good enough for you. At least, that’s what you made feel back then. Just picture this: a girl sitting on the floor, trying hard, but failing miserably, in her attempt to silence and stop the sobs and the tears, making huge efforts, overanalyzing everything to make sense of it all. All the sentiments and feelings all tangled into a huge mess. An emotional wreck.

I constantly came second. I don’t hate you, though. Hate and pity are the worst things you can feel for someone, and those feelings destroy just your own soul.

Instead, I would like to thank you because, after months of overanalyzing, after all this time, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but it was you that was not good enough for me. You became toxic to me because you made everything else seem insufficient.

Being heartbroken feels like you’re being locked in certain place, for bad or for worse. It’s like taking a deep breath but still feeling drained – with no life. Heartbroken, is a whole emptiness that can only be filled by one thing — the one thing you promised to push from your mind because it poisons your thoughts with the shadows of the past, the shadows of you. But time and right people heal everything; they can heal a broken heart and they can make all these pieces whole again, complete again.

I do not have to seek validation from others anymore because all the other people who are in my life now are those who like me just the way I am. I am grateful you were a part of my life, because you became the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.

I am try to remind myself that I deserve better and that’s the main reason I really do appreciate what I have in my life now. I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you.

You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this. Nightmares turning into reality – a very own personal hell. There were times, you were the source of light in my life, the clear air to breathe in this weird world we live in. Soon I realized that I was actually drowning in your darkness, the abyss, and was desperately seeking your hand to pull me up to the surface and save me from heartbreak.

Of course, I was wrong. The only thing I needed was time, myself to just get up again on my own and someone to accept me as I am and stand by me.

You made me realize that heartbreak affects everyone, or maybe all the people who are emotionally sensitive; those who are capable of loving. We are all human; so desperately and fiercely connected to something or someone that, without it, we are split in half, incomplete. If we’re capable of being heartbroken, we must be living or loving with sentiments, strong feelings, faith. As weird as that may sound, you make me realize that all these emotions, all the passions we have lived, become very important parts and help us to form who we truly are; they are the catalyst in shaping the best of ourselves.

Thank you though for just leaving…It made me realize that life goes on and I’m still alive.

Author: Susanna Georgiou

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