I am certain that everyone has had that nagging urge to send someone a text or call them late at night, to maybe reveal your secrets or your feelings. When it gets dark, well, it’s just the best time of the day. And when it’s very late at night, it’s even better; it’s just you and your thoughts.
“Are you still up?” we have sent or received this age-old question at least once in our lives. It’s after midnight. You’re laying in bed, unable to sleep, thoughts haunting you. Midnight confessions. That’s the perfect time. You compose a myriad of text messages that you want to send to reveal your true feelings to someone. Then delete them, then type them again, not sure if sending them is the right thing to do. And then, all of a sudden, you find yourself sending that message; or dialing that number.
Or maybe we are smart enough to realize that revealing our feelings and becoming vulnerable is not in our best interest. On the other hand, we shouldn’t just assume that everyone knows how we feel; if we miss someone if we love someone.
And, even if it’s a totally innocuous text, we really can’t send it until the light of the day without seeming inconsiderate of the person sleeping on the other side of the line, completely unwanted, a tad bit crazy; or simply all of the above. We all know the desire to send that message will probably dissipate by dawn but something is keeping you there. Is it because you feel lonely? Is it because you’re that kind of a person; one of those who can’t sleep at night without expressing your feelings?
We can compare people to dogs in this situation: revealing your feelings for someone is sort of like playing fetch with a dog. Metaphorically speaking, you throw the ball, and the dog will either fetch and return it, or they will just run. It’s the same with that one person. You can tell them how you feel, and they will either feel the same way in return, or your feelings will just make them run away.
The thoughts are spinning in your mind and the idea that you have to tell them how you feel pops into your head. You’ll dismiss it, like you have a thousand other bizarre thoughts and ideas you had, and think that you won’t look back because you haven’t attached yourself to that yet. So you keep trying to sleep and not to think about it anymore.
But it keeps coming back: it has landed itself in your mind and its tendrils are wrapping themselves around you, tightening around your brain.
Trying to distract yourself with other things, a movie or a book, trying, especially, not to call that one person who will probably break your heart again after you spent just a night with loneliness: bad idea.
The clock is ticking. Suddenly you’re becoming aware of all the sounds in your bedroom. You realize that “following your heart” holds a lot of weight and responsibility. You don’t really care anymore about the statement you’re about to make and what it really entails.
And that confession? Well, writing it down is almost just as good as saying it to that person. So why not just do that? Following your heart means actually doing what your entire body and mind are begging you to do, no matter what the risks or consequences. Perhaps if you can wait a couple more minutes, you might fall asleep. But no, it’s now or never. You find yourself in the place between risk and possibility, of gathering the courage and fighting like hell to hold onto your pride. A few moments later you congratulate yourself on doing what you had to do…even if you could get seriously emotionally hurt.
Midnight confessions: so many moments that your tongue nearly slipped, with unsaid words almost gliding out. At least, you were brave enough to make your confessions.