You choose to go again; just because. No huge reason, nothing. You are not feeling it anymore. You just decided to leave; to leave me. We used to say forever and now it’s just never.
It was you who lifted me up. It was you I chose to trust and let in. It was all you. You were the one for me. You were the one who raised me up and then you decided to take it all away by going.
We got to have our inside jokes, like the names we called each other. We wanted to be together forever and a bit more. How can it be? How can you not see that your love lifts me up? That your presence in my life alone makes me happy?
I feel dead inside when you are gone; and now you are gone for good. That’s what you said; no explanations given. You helped me love and care again; for you, for myself. You insisted that I learn to love myself.
You know, I thought I was so strong and brave and powerful. Well, I wasn’t. I put a mask of a brave and strong person on, but the truth is I needed you. Even at times when I would scream and say I didn’t care I needed you. I prayed you’d come and hug me and kiss me and tell that it’s all going to be fine.
I was mean to you and that meanness send you away; it made you feel that I needed no one, that I had everything under control. Nothing was under control. It was love that helped me put my thoughts in order and act, but I was too selfish and scared to admit that.
Your love lifts me up. It makes me feel careless and happy and young again. I am still young but before you and after you I feel like a hundred years old. You rescued me. You showed me the way and then it was like you cast a dark shadow over it all and I couldn’t see.
I still want you to call me your baby; I am still yours. You are my everything. You go and there’s a black hole left where my heart used to stand. It was bruised and scratched and you mended it, just to take it altogether and go.
That’s not you, though; I know you. I know that your feelings are still there. I know you have your doubts and your nasty thoughts, but I am here, waiting for you to see me. Look closely. See the black circles in my eyes? See my skin that’s dry from crying? See how I am losing weight?
Look at me. You will see I am head over heels for you. I am crazy about you. I love you endlessly and only you love can get me to feel that way.
You have a way of making everything feel right, even when everything around me is a mess. I am a mess myself. I know that, I feel it, I can see it. But when we are together I feel certain I can at least try to be well, to fix myself and all of the things I abandoned.
Your love has a magic effect on me. It’s one of a kind. You are one of kind. I hope you read this. I hope you see me, if only for a bit. Your love sends me up high and it can as easily send me down low.
This is no lie, it’s not a game. I am sick and tired of everything. I’ve been walking on eggshells my entire life and you came and helped crash them all and walk on the ground; feel proud and strong, but most of all I felt happy and alive.
Don’t take it all back now. Let’s just be happy together. Let’s just try this; the right way this time. There is no better love for me than yours and no one will love you more than I do. You are Blim and I am Blom; just because.