You are gone again. We argued and fought once more, so you just slammed the door and left. I am staring at the ceiling, smoking one cigarette after the other feeling so pissed at you, but not worried. We said it’s over and I’m not even crying; maybe because we’ve said that a thousand times before and yet here we are.
Despite our differences and our stubbornness, we always end up back together. We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? The first time we both felt we’d lost each other forever, but I approached you and you were still into this whole thing, so we took things from where we left off.
The second time around we felt that it was for real and we were over for good; we had reached a point of no return. Yet, again it was you who tried to get us back together this time and they third time we knew how this was going to roll. We are practically a joke to our friends and everyone around us. They never know if we are together or broken up again, yet they are all certain we will end up together for good; and so are we.
I know for a fact that you are now out with your friends cursing at me and my insecurities, while I am sitting here forming circles with the smoke from the cigarettes, cursing at your harsh attitude and your nasty mouth. How can two people love each other so much and not be able to solve their problems like adults, like most grown-ups do?
It’s like this is what keeps our relationship going. This whole on and off thing is our turn on and what keeps the fire burning. There are those few hours or days in which we don’t care about each other and we feel that we are better off, but then we begin to worry. If we don’t act fast someone else might make a move and separate us forever — and we don’t want that.
All we want is to make a point that if we are not careful enough we will end up sleeping in different beds and arms for the rest of our lives. Still, I’m not worried and you aren’t either. We see this whole mess as a game and we just wait to see who will be the first one to break and make the move to reconnect. We even tease each other about this and we have the next break-up a certain fact.
I am still sitting here, still smoking, thinking how crazy and ridiculous we both are. I try to picture us ten years from now when we will probably have a kid or two. We will drive the poor thing crazy with our fights and stupidity. Maybe this whole thing has to stop; maybe we should find a solution or end this for good this time.
Tonight has to be the stepping stone of our relationship; it has to be all or nothing. It’s time for deals, compromises and amends. I want you in my life, I love you; that much I know. I believe you do too. So, we have to stop dancing around it and face the music. We must force ourselves to speak our thoughts and listen what the other has to say.
Tonight is the night that our neverending story will get its ending; whatever that might be. I feel quite nervous for the first time in a long time. I can only assume how you are going to react, but I can’t know for sure.
I text you anyhow. I need to know what it is you want from us and how you see this going. Your reply is quick and right to the point. “I love you. Let’s figure this out”.
I smile, I turn the lights off and I head to bed. Our neverending story is getting its happy ending after all.