They say cheating is the worst thing a relationship can suffer and the first factor that causes relationships to end. But what happens when you are accused of cheating, along with a million other things, that you don’t actually do? Your partner acts crazy and every second you spend with them now seems like a nightmare. You are afraid to utter a word in case they misinterpret it and you are afraid to be sweet and romantic around them because they will get suspicious.
No, your partner has not suddenly gone crazy. It’s a thing called insecurity kicking in and we’ve all been there. It’s the unsettling emotion that something is going wrong, even when things couldn’t be any better. You hear your partner got a big promotion and they are going up the leadership ladder at work and you, suddenly, start feeling inferior and afraid you are not good enough for them anymore.
Unfortunately, insecurity comes with a lot of baggage and it is usually best friends with jealousy, distrust and drama. What triggers insecurity is quite uncertain, but I would bet that what we’ve experienced with other lovers in the past usually affects our whole reaction and wakes this monster up.
What we don’t understand, though, is that insecurity can actually kill the relationship. Insecurity is a lot like insanity. The insecure, just like the lunatic, cannot see or realize the problem caused to their partner by this. They live in their own world in which everything is translated in a completely different way. Whatever their partners do or have to offer is never just a random act of love for the insecure. It’s always that their partner is trying to send an indirect, bad, message.
If they happen to stay late at work or go out with their friends, the insecure will immediately think that they are having an affair or that they are trying to prepare them for an upcoming breakup. It doesn’t matter is you’ve busted your ass to prepare them a three course meal to celebrate your anniversary together the week before.
The worst part is that people suffering from insecurity find it hard to trust themselves and their strengths. You can tell them apart in a group because they are usually the ones that are awfully quiet and only stress their flaws and weaknesses, but never their good qualities. In fact, they believe they have no good qualities whatsoever. And even worse, insecurity is contagious and it can drag you down too.
The first few times your insecure other half brings his act on you, you take it easy and might even think that you must have done something wrong without realizing it, so you try to make it up to them. But then, you see clearer and you conclude that the insecure will never be happy; not even if you were to take your heart out and give it to them on a golden plate. The more you offer, the more they will ask for and the more you will feel they are sucking all of your positive energy.
My insecure friend, I know we live in a world full of lies and deception, but if you can’t trust your partner why keep torturing them with your jealousy, your dissatisfaction, your grumpiness and your fights? If something is bothering you or is making you feel worried and scared, maybe you should just say it. Honesty is a much more preferable and mature attitude in a relationship. Sit, think, remember and come clean as to what it was that made you so insecure.
Sometimes, the answer is pretty obvious but you are too blinded to see. It could have been your weight gain, it could have been a friendly couple’s breakup that caused the whole attitude.
Every action has an equivalent reaction. So, if you choose to act insane out of insecurity, expect nothing more than a dramatic breakup. If, however, you face whatever fear caused that insecurity expect further growth and admiration from your partner for having the guts to say it out loud.
You needn’t say much. An “I’m feeling insecure and I want you to tell me why you love me” will get your partner’s attention and will let him know that they might need to focus a bit more on you for a while.