And so it began.
The end had to come before we could turn the engines back on. When two people care for each other as much as we do, they don’t give up that easily, do they? I have to admit your absence made me sick to the bones with remorse and regret and I kept wondering why it happened now that everything finally seemed so perfect.
I tried to fill my time with as many things as I could, yet again, there you were, sneaking into my thoughts screwing me up. I would try to handle a mess at work, I would be completely focused on what I was doing and, out of nowhere, there came a thought of where you might be, what you might be doing and if you thought of me at all. I would pick up a book to read and I would have to read the same line three or four times because my mind was thinking of your face, and stubbornly refused to focus on the words aligned on the page before me. But the worst part was when I watched movies; yeah, those cheesy ones you don’t really like, and yet again there you were. I would pretend we are the main characters and I would think that after the storm and the fight, peace would come and we would be just fine again, just like in the movies.
Deep inside I felt that you wouldn’t come back though and I would cry myself to sleep every single night; full of smiles in the day and lots and lots of crying when I was left alone. Nobody could tell, except for the ones who really know and love me and would bust my ass off about the way I felt.
And then, one night when I’d given up all hope, the phone rang. And suddenly I was the happiest person alive again. It was you. You were at the other end of the line; talking to me. I thought I was dreaming; I still think I am dreaming. See, life has some features of a romantic movie in it after all.
I never expected we would get back together again. I would keep writing manically in my diary hoping that somehow all of my thoughts and feelings would make you realize how I feel for you; not that I believe in magic powers or anything, but you always get me and you know how I feel just by the sound of my voice; you can “read” behind my tension even at times when I try to hide it so as not to burden you with my problems.
I keep wondering what triggered you to call me again, but no matter what it was I am overwhelmed you did. It feels like a new era has begun between us; the anger and the accusations are gone. We are happy, both of us.
You’ve helped me grow stronger, you showed me that being human and having your ugly side and not be ashamed of it is much more preferable than pretending you are fine and pleasing everyone all the time. I want to believe that I have helped you too.
You are the only person, I can get serious and crazy with at the same time. We are comfortable with each other; we have a way of making fun of even the most stressful of situations and release the tension. You are my love and I am starting to feel I might be yours. I mean, I can’t think of any other reason why we keep coming back to each other.
Besides, what is love if not overcoming obstacles, hard times and dealing with each other’s shit? What is love if not being able to sit silently just looking at each other or bombarding each other with a million facts per second or fooling around and teasing each other or having inside jokes or feeling that when the other person is gone you are empty inside, even if you have a million things planned in a day.
You, Mr. Blim, are my person. You are the one I can’t wait to talk to, the one I can’t wait to see, the one I can’t imagine my life without.