It’s true after all – damaged people laugh harder. In the hope that my laughter would echo louder than the emptiness I currently possess inside, I pretend to find the joke of my friend’s boyfriend hilarious. Kissing for the tenth time in forty minutes, I stare upon them disgusted.  The first nine times I tried to be discrete by turning my gaze away. Upon this tenth time, I’ve had enough already.

Looking at them as they exchange tongues, I’m not quite sure with whom I am more infuriated – the lovebirds, you or myself. This could be us you know. And I am not referring to the kissing part. All I see is couples; and I hate couples, I always did. Lovey-dovey things are not for me; not in public at least. It’s not that I am particularly jealous, it’s just I hate them – so simple. How come they got their happy ending and I didn’t? Why? Wasn’t I worth it?

If there’s a person who’s worth a happy ending, it’s me.

Would you stop touching each other already? Why did I even agree to come with you tonight!

As if I didn’t have better things to do. All this exposure between them gets on my nerves. The fact that they had gone out on a couple of dates and then decided to be together, drives me bonkers. An old cheesy love story; easy come easy go. Honestly, it cannot be compared to our story. Nor will another fling ever be like the love you and I had.

Quarrels and misunderstandings were quite common but, at the end of the day, I could not care less. For I had found you, the one and only person I was willing to fight for, over and over again, not backing down. I’d rather spend the night fighting with you than going out with some other guy.  Actually, I’d do anything with you if you just let me love you the way I know best. And treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

From our small talks every now and then, I noticed how disgracefully you’ve seen yourself. To this very day, I strongly believe that you deserve the very best. With no hesitation, I would show you how a person as unique and beautiful on the inside like you deserves to be treated. My muchness would demolish any previous fears of yours, for I would love you enough for both of us.

It is my “too much” that tore us apart and I am sorry. I expected too much when I clearly knew of how little you were capable of giving. Not because you’re a coward but because that’s you.  Every word you speak is carefully chosen, you didn’t want to get my hopes up – I respect that. The saddest part is that it wasn’t your words that gave you away but your actions.

Do you remember hitting the gas pedal as soon as you saw me walking down the street at 2 am?  Well, I do. What about the times you left the place as soon as I walked out? Since we weren’t going to be in the same space, there was no point in staying there any longer. Few were the words that spurted out of your mouth but hundreds were the messages that our gazes sent. A one thousand page encyclopedia could not encompass what has been said between us, baby. Most people can’t even have a taste of the basics in their so-called relationships and we managed to do it all.

I suppose that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano then. Two unstoppable forces with timeless, yet fatal, chemistry. Once they unite, they can never really forget about the impact they had on one another. It has always been like this and it will always be like this. We might not get to see each in the next year, yet, when we rekindle, it will be as if a day hasn’t passed for our imprint marks have not faded away. I don’t mean to brag but we have set the standards for other romances quite high and you should be proud of us. They try to copy us, to be like us, but they utterly fail. Not all people can handle so much agony mixed with passion and love, leaving them sleepless for months.

Feeling like a protagonist starring in a Hollywood movie, I’m afraid that this was our biggest mistake. Loving and caring too much for each other. We drowned into our ocean of passion; we just could not handle it at that time. Perhaps it was our inexperience or our youth, or then again the combination of the two.

A writer and a protagonist in a romance that will never die, I will be back. There’s absolutely no way I will leave you in peace, I reassure you. One way or another we always came back into each others’ lives and so we will again. A good protagonist makes her appearance when she’s ordered to, giving a predictable happy ending. An excellent protagonist like me, disappears and comes into light when you least expect them to. Those cheesy love stories may think that they’ve won the battle in the court of love. What they don’t know is that I am ready for war. And guess who’s going down this time?

It might take one year, it might take ten years. It’s happening, babe. I will be back and this time I am not going anywhere.

Author: Marianna Ioannou

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