Even if I put all the right words together, they would still utterly fail in expressing how much I miss you on this Saturday night. It’s ten past one and I have this strong urge to write a list with the things that I dreamt of doing with you but never did; five things that I really needed from you, but you gloriously failed to give while we were together. Maybe you should consider the possibility that I was not the one who had high standards in this relationship after all; maybe you just couldn’t handle the basics.
The very first thing I usually did as soon as I woke up, was to turn on my phone, take an ugly yet sexy selfie of myself and send it to you accompanied by a “Good morning to the sweetest shit face on the planet. Love you, babe.” Of course, you never replied, making excuses for how busy you were at work. All I wanted was a simple reply but you didn’t even bother.
And another thing; we made a pact, remember? The deal clearly stated that every morning, you would get your “I love you”, either by text or face to face. Since I know that you’re not very good with words, we agreed that you would find an alternative way of expressing your love back through the day. Never did I ever receive a simple compliment. Every time I dared to ask for public cuddling, you stood even further from me. All I wanted was a hug and a kiss, but apparently even that form of expression surpassed your abilities.
What about the times I wanted to simply spend time with you? You know that place I really, really like. The romantic one, where the music is good. The one that has the best wine in town. My favorite one – Moschato with frozen forest berries. I begged you a billion times to go but you repeatedly claimed that drinking wine with fruits is not your thing; it was rather “high-class” for your taste. Yet when your friends suggested that you go out for beers, you gladly accepted and immediately disappeared, leaving me alone on a Friday night. I can’t remember the last time we had been on a date. Going out together equaled going out with at least three more people. All I wanted was to spend some quality time with you but you didn’t seem to need that.
How about the fact that anyone who really knows me is aware of the fact that I love traveling? Exploring new cities, wandering around unknown streets, and getting lost in neighborhoods I have never been in before, gives me an adrenaline rush. You, on the contrary, have only boarded a plane three times in your entire life. Every time I mentioned booking tickets to someplace, you either pretended to be sick or you were out of budget. How could I expect that from a person who goes to the very same coffee shop, along with the same people, every day to relate to my need of traveling the world? All I wanted was to have an adventure with you, but you didn’t.
And last, but definitely not least, I knew that we are from two different worlds but I gave in anyway. Because when you genuinely love someone, you don’t pay attention to the differences, you only emphasize on the similarities. “You and I” is a place that I have always dreamt of finally settling in. How lucky was I to have finally found my home, the place where I really belonged to. The one and only place where I could be naked, without anything covering me; literally and metaphorically.
You know, home is not a place or a country. It’s a feeling. Some people find it in a new building; others find it in other continents. And then there’s me. My home was, and is, a set of eyes – yours.
And that night when I asked you if you loved me and if we would ever be together again, I was left homeless; for my home abandoned me. Your eyes weren’t looking into mine when you rejected me. All I wanted was the truth from you, but that was too hard.
And that is why my darling, you and I will not be together anytime soon. Even I had set the lowest standards on the entire planet, you would still disappoint me.
Women, real women, the good kind, don’t ask for much you know. What we truly seek from men is time. Personally, I don’t care about your money or your job. You could be a refuse collector and still worship you. Such materialistic things such as money and careers vanish and reappear in the glimpse of an eye.
What about time though? Time never stops; nor does it wait for anyone. The more time we waste on paying attention to such insignificant things, the fewer memories we will probably make together. Memories are what keep this earth on its orbit. Building memories is what motivates people to strive for more adventures.
The only thing I craved for was that you listened without me having to speak and understand my need for spending time with you – and only you. That’s not much to ask, I suppose. I really can’t figure out why men complain about us having “high standards”, which clearly was not the case here as you had a woman who loved you and stayed faithful by your side.
In spite of never replying, giving me affection when needed, not spending time with me, not going on an adventure with me, and lying in my face. I was there till the very last moment when you broke up with me justifying it to the fact that I expected too much from you.
Well excuse me, but I’m too passionate not to be a priority.