Written By F.M.
Lie to me. Hypnotize my world to feel this as the real thing. Somewhere in between our lives became intermingled. One moment toppling onto the next, constructing a path that never lead you to me. I was always left behind and each time I couldn’t reach you, was like a new face I came across along a long road. A new testament for my immobility. Wobbly and stumbling under my own weight, I learnt a few steps to move forward, but most importantly I learnt to carry it all. All the years I’ve spent instictively wailing to gather your first taste. Your first breath. Every morning before the light of the world cracks in.
I was only ever a possibility, a number, a calculation, a lottery ticket that the wind blew under the bridge, out of reach from your tiny fingers. I grew and witnessed your becoming in the spaces between those fingers. Five. And each and every day you felt it all mattered or nothing ever will again, I was growing older with you. That was my only possibility. My only chance to live. Cradled in a space no bigger than a square box, it wasn’t hard to raise my fingers into the thin air and count my years. So, I am only as young as you allow me to be.
When you are young everything feels like the end of the world.
So, lie to me again and promise me something as sure as life has promised our demise. Announce this day as my last on this journey and live with me forever; just for a while. On the rooftop counting stars like we are going to reach them, on the road, taking steps forward like we are about to arrive, in your mind like we are living the dream, in your heart like you put me in there for all the words you listened to although I never really spoke any of them out loud.
Ι’ve made my castle on a pile of ruins, every Sunday I set a fire to it and gaze upon the flames what will remain untouched. I get into the fire myself and when I realise I’m still intact, I declare myself my only ally and my only enemy. All my soldiers are used to leaving this page intentionally blank. The remorseless fire of the archers thins the ranks around and the space becomes clearer for me to see. As if it had another choice.
This bond with you is stronger than I am and quickly fills up my space again. I am the belly of my beast and I attack myself boldly, without compromise, whenever I try to deviate from its course. There’s no turning back. I sing to myself lullabies of dreams coming true but my Creator laughs so hard at me his truth that the neighbors think I’ve got company.
So, lie to me again. Start with who I am on a Sunday morning when I will be sweeping the ashes of the Sunday’s flames to feed my life which lingers by the shore looking for prey. Salt water never quenches your thirst and I live so close to the sea that it would never dear to drown me. You can finish your lies with the world being like a wave on our feet on an August day under the hot midday sun. I always saw the world as this place where I really wasn’t meant to be.
So, lie to me. Tell me I belong and today is my first day. Tell me what to do. Tell me who I should be. Just tell me. I’ll do it.
Then come meet me. Meet me as deeply as I’ve ever met myself. Meet me as deeply as I loved him in the heart of clarity.
Lie to me and call it true love.