Written By Nefeli.
I don’t know what it is about after midnight hours, but they always aspire me to write. My eyelids are heavier than ever and I have the most horrible headache one could possibly have. Yet here I am, writing again about you – you moron. Just got back from a night out, I am having a hard time convincing myself that I had fun tonight. Which I didn’t, by the way.
Everything about tonight was perfect yet nothing really was. Dressed in my finest clothes and sprayed with my favourite perfume, I hit the club with three good friends. I drank and I danced – a lot. I’ve always been a party animal and I will never stop being one. Life is a endless celebration and I intend to spend it like this till my very last breath. If you take a moment to ask my friends about our little outing tonight, they’ll probably tell you that I had the best of the time and actually I was the life of the party.
Well that’s just me. Multi talented indeed, I am a master in hiding my feelings. Many will claim that I’m a very open person and since I’m facial expressive they know when something is simply wrong. On this very night many things were rather wrong, to be honest.
Dancing and singing my heart out, stares of unknown men were laid upon me. Little did I care though. I think I told you before and I shall tell you again. You have the most beautiful damned eyes in the whole universe. Thousands eyes have I exchanged glances with in my whole lfe, but not a single pair of them could be compared to the impact that yours have on me. Who cares if they are watching? Let them stare as long as they want, for there isn’t a chance I’m giving a spare minute of my attention to any of them.
Pretty good at multitasking as well, I repeatedly searched for you in the crowd. I wanted you to come tonight, I wanted you to witness for yourself that I am doing better. Better than you expected, for I found a way to fix the damage you’ve made. I drink, I drink a lot. I sing loudly, so loud till I lose my voice. An attention whore I am, as I climb up the stools and the tables, so everyone in the club can see that I am having fun, the most fun of them all. In case that a friend or an acquaintance of yours is around, I provocatively move myself around so they silently admit that I am just fine without you. Most importantly, I forgot to tell you that I’ve started smoking. Unexpectedly, it calms my nerves down. It prevents me from coming to find you and burning down that fucking motorcycle you love so much.
While I was giving a dancing recital to everyone around, six words kept playing in my head. “Fuck you. I was worth it.” I could sincerely say those words to you till my lips would bleed. And now I’m torn apart for this sudden dilemma had risen. Should that two full stops be replaced with exclamation marks? Would that make you understand of how much tension I have been experiencing lately? No, it wouldn’t. For you’re a stubborn mule. No, no I should change that. I don’t mean to be insulting those poor animals; they didn’t do anything to hurt me. Let me rephrase that then, you are a stubborn boy. I could easily find a seven year old who’s more mature and rational than you are. As it is that stubbornness of yours that got us here.
Elaborating on all these while I was dancing rhythmically to the beat, someone approached me and took me by the hand. Disgusted by the thought it wasn’t you that was touching me, I offered the guy a sassy look and stepped back. Can’t you see I’m not interested? For the good lord’s sake, get the hell out of here. All and every single one of you standing and breathing around me.
Excuse me for being such a bitch, I solemnly swear that I used to be a good person. But I’m not one tonight neither will I be one tomorrow, nor anytime soon. For currently I’m emotionally unavailable. Do you have any idea of what emotionally unavailable stands for? It means that no one gets to approach me, to touch me or even dare to talk to me. You are only allowed to do that.
I’m not in the mood for flirting or socializing, I’m just here tonight to have fun and get really drunk. Early dawn it will be till I get back home, extremely dizzy and very eager to sleep for I’ve made it once again. The alcohol that is now running through my veins is laughing hard at the empty space I possess inside. It cheated for it for a couple of hours and finally I will get some decent sleep tonight. All week, I patiently wait for the weekend to go out and drink and climb up stools. That’s what keeps me standing lately and therefore that’s what I shall continue doing till the space shrinks and shrinks a little bit more each time.
This is what you’ve made of me, a miserable alcoholic. Congrats to you, be proud of your masterpiece. Here we go again, with the six words playing in my mind again. “I miss you. I love you.” I confess to my ceiling as I turn off the lights. The ceiling knows best, for it has seen enough to know better. Cheers to another sleepless night for the image of two brownish eyes came to haunt me again. Damn chico, those eyes though.
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