I feel like I always hear people say “you’re young, enjoy yourself!” But I don’t think they actually mean it. Hold up, let me back track for a second. While this saying could probably apply to a lot of things (I’ll let your imagination run wild for a quick second), I’m specifically talking about dating.
It seems that people like to theoretically encourage others to casually date, but I’m not sure they really mean it. There seems to be this expectation in most every relationship that it should be leading somewhere. I’ll be honest, I think this is kind of bullshit.
Why should every relationship have to play into some romantic monogamous fantasy of the future? I want to specify that I’m not talking about one-night stands. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those—there’s not—but that’s neither here nor there for the point I want to make. I’m talking about just actual casually dating. If there’s someone you enjoy hanging out with, but you know you’re not going to spend “the rest of your life” with them (whatever that means) then there seems to be this social pressure that you should probably break up with that person because you know they’re not “the one.”
Given these social pressures, I’m not really sure it’s at all easy to casually date without future expectations, but I think it’s still worth giving it a try. If people didn’t enter a relationship with the assumption the that two will almost immediately be a monogamous couple, then I think people could be a lot happier.
Imagine how much less stressful it would be if you were dating a person without trying to figure out if this was the person you wanted to be with forever.
Imagine how much more fun you’d have if you were able to go on a date without thinking about its potential effect on your future.
Imagine being able to spend time with a person without having to worry about getting stuck in a relationship you’re only iffy about. It’s easier to go along with some relationships rather than have an uncomfortable talk about how you want to continue dating but also see other people.
Now that sounds like being young and enjoying yourself to me. Side note: I don’t think causally dating should only be restricted to those society deems “young.”
Doesn’t that sound way better than overanalyzing and stressing about every single date you go on? I think it does; but that could just be me.
With all of the dating apps, this seems like it’s more possible then even ten years ago, but I feel like a lot of these relationships still end up falling into the categories we’ve relied on for decades: those looking for hookups and those looking for love and serious relationships.
Where are the people in between? I want to clarify that I’m not trying to divide a distinct line between those who want to casually date and those who only want monogamy. If you’re casually dating someone for several months and then decide you want to be exclusive, good for you; go for it. My problem is when there is this assumption in the early stages of dating that if you both like each other you two should automatically be in a monogamous relationship.
If you and I are dating, why should we just assume that means we’re exclusive? Maybe it’ll head there some day and maybe it won’t, but let’s not let social stigma dictate that. Let’s just assume we’re casually dating until we both decide that “you and I” should become “we.” Well, a “we” that still has distinct identities because in all reality you and your partner should never morph into a single identity. Be true to yourself and go on lots of fun and causal dates (if that’s what you want).
Author: Dani Howell
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